“Thinking of you… still waiting for your book! xoxo” We hadn’t spent time together in months, where was this coming from? As though she were on the phone call with us the night before, her email dropped like the New Year’s Ball in Times Square… on cue. Wow.
The night before, one of my girlfriends spent our phone call screaming at me, only she disguised it in a very polite and encouraging voice, about ‘getting out of my comfort zone and writing, and blah blah blah.’ Here we go again. Rolling my eyes. I was really sick of hearing it from her (I say that in love, this is a disclaimer because I know she’s reading this…lol), and everyone else as a matter of fact (I love y’all too!)
I had somehow tricked everyone into ‘my God given gift’ to write a book. Life happened to me. I wrote a few paragraphs about it. I selectively shared it with a few loved ones and then there it was…. the replies came flooding in… “You should write a book!” Insert blank face emoji here. So what am I saying? I’m saying that I was comfortable bearing the heart of my experiences with those I could handpick. Writing for the public, usurps my ‘authority’ and ‘control’ — I can’t choose who will see my heart…and even more painful, I can’t choose what they will do with it. Some will relate and applaud my courage and others won’t and possibly criticize me…and guess what else? Some won’t care and they won’t ever read it. I’m working through that thing called “Fear of Man.” I want to say that I don’t care what people think… but I do. It’s like the cliche about love, when we try so hard to never be hurt, we also miss out on the opportunity to be loved. So in trying so hard to avoid criticism, I also avoid courage. In the word’s of Aristotle, “if i don’t want to be criticized, I should say nothing, do nothing, be nothing…. and in my case, write nothing. I am so insecure about being publicly vulnerable— especially online!– We know what they say, once it goes out into this world wide web, we can never get it back. Yikes! And we know how unforgiving the public can be. So, to everyone who has encouraged me to write a book… here it is… Page 1.
Here’s to writing it in my confident insecurity.
The Naked Writer