He was perfect and I didn’t want him.

I hung up the phone with him and immediately knew that he wasn’t what I wanted. Wait! Just wait one minute girl! Give the guy a chance!— I could hear the echoes of my friends in my thoughts. Sigh. What do you want? 

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He seemed to fit the script of my ideal man—- but something in me rejected him. He was intelligent, his job was to create electrical blueprints for military jets. As if that wasn’t enough, in a very conversational tone, he slipped in a verbal version of his resume.  I learned that he started a diversity forum at his engineering firm, went back to school for a 2nd Bachelors in Theology, started a Bible Study at his engineering firm —I should be drooling over him by now— oh wait, he also pioneered a mentoring program at a local High School. Ok, let me get up off my back and pull my skirt down— what girl wouldn’t give themselves over to a guy like this?

I remember telling one of my best friends that I want my husband to be an exceptional individual in his own right— and here this guy was, shining bright like a diamond and something in me rejected that.

I wasn’t rejecting him… Rather, I’ve began to reject the notion of my ‘exceptional resume’ of a husband. I don’t care about his wall of recognition—- I want him, the very essence of who he is. Behind the career, community involvement, college degrees, bible studies, sermons, work out body—ok, I’ll take the workout body—lol— no seriously, behind all of that stuff… I want him.

I want to be with the guy who finds a safe haven in me. After he has gone to battle with the world, I want to be the place where his armor comes off…. I want him to point to his wounds and show me where he hurts. I want him to be human with me….. He is superman to everyone else…. I just want Clark.

I desire the same thing in him…. A place where I can take off my wonder woman cape and just be me. I don’t want to have it all together all the time. I want to be human, irresponsible, lazy, fat, dumb and still be ok. I don’t want to perform for him…. The world is my stage, I need him as part of my backstage crew, helping me return to ‘me.’

I don’t know much about marriage outside of articles, podcasts and Youtube videos— oh yeah, and that women should submit — because that’s the Gospel right? I don’t know why I desire this thing that fails 70% of the time. It must be damn hard— even for the saints! So, if this thing called marriage is as much work as people have claimed it to be, then if he and I don’t come with our authentic selves at the very beginning, than we have already failed.

So, self— whether or not that man has two degrees, is in a successful career, is an exceptional community volunteer….does not guarantee whether or not our marriage will work. Duh! I already know that! But I still looked for those things… Because if he was superman and I was wonder woman, than together we could save the world… Right? Wrong.Jesus already did that. I just need to be me and he just needs to be him…..whatever ‘him’ is. My quest for the ideal man has ceased…. I just want an authentic man, and one that will be vulnerable with me after he’s done saving the world.

Yours Vulnerably,

The Naked Writer

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PS. Thanks for journey-ing  through life with me! If you know someone who might enjoy this, share my heart with them and remember to subscribe so we can keep in touch (top right corner)! Oh yeah and comment (top left corner)! You’d be surprised how your comments encourage other readers— because other readers, do read the comments!

See you soon 😉

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Dina says:

    Love it! Very on point and well written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you love! Glad you enjoyed it.


  2. Lis says:

    This blog not only makes me think about my Future King but also about how I want to raise my son(s), nephew(s), godson(s) – whichever young boys and men are in my life. We often train men to be ambitious but like you’re saying, accomplishments are not enough. I so agree with Melludi. So often people accept trash because they’ve fallen in love with the List – and they overlook characteristics like passivity, dangerous tempers, lack of self-control, unbridled pride…or just plain being the wrong person even if he’s a great guy. I know we’re not all perfect, but we need to be with the right imperfect person. And sometimes he’ll look way different than we expected. Adjeeeeee – now I’m thinking about what imperfections I will bring to my relationship. Sigh. Not a fun thought. Anywho…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So often people accept trash because they’ve fallen in love with the List – — Hello! Two Snaps! And yes! Let’s exchange our list for good character– doesn’t mean we can’t have both though 😉 As for our own imperfections? Let’s work at being that Iphone99s…lol


  3. “My quest for the ideal man has ceased…. I just want an authentic man, and one that will be vulnerable with me after he’s done saving the world.”…Love this! What happens when our quest leaves us weary, frustrated, dissatisfied?? We lean on the One who is more than able to bring our desires to past! AND trust, that in due time, all things will work out for our good! Patience required 🙂 Thanks for sharing, Naked Writer!!!


    1. AND trust, that in due time, all things will work out for our good! …. Indeed! Indeed! Looking forward to the ‘good’ on the other side of this story. Thank you for journeying alongside me 😉


  4. Melludi says:

    We know that beauty and charm are fleeting…even for men! Looks will fade, jobs may come and go, even ministry ebbs and flows and there are many struggles. This is why you need to not only know his authentic self, but also who he is when things aren’t going well… When he’s sick, when someone cuts him off in traffic, when he can’t get the Internet to load lol….remember, during the dating phase, everyone is an actor – Of course, we put our best forward! Kudos for doing your due diligence. You’re learning grasshopper lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 😩😩😩 when he can’t get the Internet to load! Done! Loving this poetic comment. When is your blog coming out chief grasshopper? I’m learning from you. Thank YOU for being so authentic!


  5. katsiaa says:

    Yes… speak the truth! I want that authentic love, not the facade. As always, great read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That authentic… Old school R&B type love! 😉 Thanks for reading!


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