I’ve Always Struggled With…

Thank you to my beloved friend who has so lovingly shared her life with us as a Guest Writer! I hope  you learn a thing or two from this glimpse into her life…as she teaches me so much, spoken & unspoken! I Love You and honored that you would share life with me.

“So what do you do all day?”

I had come to expect this question from nearly anyone who wasn’t a stay at home parent. But it still stung every time. I guess part of me understood the curiosity. I didn’t understand the job responsibilities until I actually signed up.  Still, one brief encounter with “Curious George” and I found myself questioning whether being a stay at home mom actually made sense or whether it was really just a self-imagined, self-absorbed idea masquerading as purpose in my life.

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I answered the question clumsily: “Oh, you know…she wakes up, I feed her…then she plays” – wait I’m supposed to be more involved – “Er, we play together. I try to teach her some flashcards…” – really, I park her in front of the television – “I put her down for a nap…she wakes up…I feed her again…” I trailed off, painfully aware of how awkward and insecure I sounded. I didn’t have a real schedule like most moms. And I don’t mean that in the sense of those free spirited moms that do away with rigid schedules and let their kids develop naturally. I just didn’t have a clue. I also struggled with leaving the house. That whole introverted extrovert? That’s me to a T. I loathed play dates because it meant I had to actually interact with other moms…and those moms clearly had it all together.

You’re reading this and you’re thinking I’m being way too hard on myself. I know I am. The truth is I’ve always struggled with purpose. I’ve always felt like whatever I was doing wasn’t significant enough.  In a world dominated by our XY counterparts, little girls are being raised to be stronger, faster, smarter, and more independent. From the time we can walk and speak, thrusters are being fitted and strapped to our backs to aid us in bursting through the glass ceiling in our workplaces. My parents tried their best to fit me with my own pair of thrusters and, believe me, I thought I’d be using them on a glass ceiling of a hospital one day. I do like the medical field. I excelled during EMT training and I do get a sense of fulfillment when I administer aid to people. But I realized medicine was more like a hobby to me. So I didn’t fight the way one fights when one needs to get into medical school. And it was simply because when I closed my eyes at night, I didn’t dream of traumas and surgeries…

I dreamed instead of the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with – the strong, wise, caring, affectionate, supportive, lover of my very being – and the beautiful kids we would raise together in the instruction of the Lord. I dreamed of birthday parties and Christmas Eves with our clan of tiny humans nestled on a sofa under warm blankets, drinking hot chocolate. Sounds like a dream, right? That’s exactly what it was and still is. At first I kept this dream to myself, convincing myself that they were the hobby…they were the bonus to a rewarding and lucrative career as a doctor. For 28 years, I couldn’t convince myself that being a wife and mother was my God given purpose in life…

But what exactly is purpose?

I came across this quote from Madame Ernestine Schumann-Heink:

What is a home? A roof to keep out the rain, four walls to keep out the wind. Floors to keep out the cold. Yes, but home is more than that. It is the laugh of a baby, the song of a mother, the strength of a father. Warmth of living hearts, light from happy eyes, kindness, loyalty, comradeship. Home is first school and first church for young ones, where they learn what is right, what is good, and what is kind. Where they go for comfort when they are hurt or sick. Where joy is shared and sorrow eased. Where fathers and mothers are respected and loved. Where children are wanted. Where the simplest food is good enough for kings because it is earned. Where money is not as important as lovingkindness. Where even the tea kettle sings from happiness. That is home. God bless it.

If my heart could speak, it would recite this quote from the mountaintops. I realize that this is my dream and my calling. For others, it may very well be the high paying job AND the family – or not. I know women who have worked tirelessly for their dreams and are striving towards the career they have always wanted – and that makes them happy. Despite the differences in our dreams, we should all stand up and be counted as purpose driven. And we should encourage our children to do the same. If you can close your eyes at night and see it in your dreams, if it literally makes your heart glad, and energizes you to start your day, then like Madame Heink said: God bless it. You’ve found your purpose.  I believe I’ve finally found mine. I’m not just a housewife. Not just a stay-at-home mom. I am a HOMEMAKER. With God’s help I am making a home.

Yours Vulnerably,

The Naked Writer

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15 Comments Add yours

  1. aseekerfinds says:

    This so BEAUTIFUL and moved my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful!!!! Love the quote! I have had the pleasure of working with different stay-at-home mommas or homemakers, in various stages of life, and I am always so AMAZED at the boundless love and care, flowing from a mother’s heart! It truly is an incredible calling from God to make a home 🙂 Not a mother yet, but I have seen, over and over again, the WISDOM and STRENGTH this requires!! The spotlight on purpose is so spot on! This cannot be defined by others’ expectations…it’s gotta be about what makes your soul dance for joy! Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly. This cannot be defined by others expectations! You hit the nail on the head!

      Like

  3. #2 says:

    (Warning: Confession below)

    First, I must commend you for sharing your heart with us. Now on to this confession. As a single woman who often struggles with a reoccurring episode of baby fever, I often rejected the idea of being a domestic engineer better known as a homemaker.

    I asked myself, “What in the world would I do all day?” or my favorite, “Boring” and “Would I be able to still do it all.”

    (Insert other commentary)

    Reading your story was refreshing.

    Although, I’m not walking in your exact shoes, I so can relate to this whole purpose thing and what it looks like in different seasons of life. I wrestle with this mirage of what my life needs to look like (i.e. high paying job, perfect husband, AND a family that can be on the front cover of Essence). There goes that confession thing again.

    All in all, we have to embrace “purpose” in whatever S.H.A.P.E. (Rick Warren) it forms.

    Thanks again for sharing your story and that lovely quote above.

    Cheers to embracing and fulfilling what Christ has called us to do (in the meantime, that’s for my #2).

    Liked by 1 person

  4. AR says:

    This was a great read! A life I have tried to live and encourage others. I began my journey being the career woman but quickly knew that I couldn’t have it all at least not at the same time! There are times when you have to say this will have to wait and other times that say this is it go for it! I have no regrets in choosing to raise my sons during the time I managed a singing career. God has been faithful and has blessed us financially to have choices! But I fully identify with the article on so many levels!! Thanks for sharing!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Blessed with the CHOICE! Some moms, don’t have that option. Thank you for sharing your own life with us!

      Like

  5. Ibsen says:

    Reading the quote brought tears to my eyes as I imagined my two little ones running around our home laughing uncontrollably…their giggles are music to my ears. Even though it’s not easy when they’re sick or just being extra curious and energetic, it is a privilege and a blessing (and a huge responsibility) to raise children. Mine are a 2 and a 4 year old 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! …. Parenting is definitely not for the faint of heart, but I’m sure it’s rewarding in a way I can’t understand now. Glad you enjoyed sharing in her experience!

      Like

  6. Vanessa says:

    Like the quote on what home is.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Vanessa 🙂

      Like

  7. katsiaa says:

    It’s awesome that you’ve found fulfillment in being homemaker. It’s a hard job, and I commend, and respect you for it. In my culture, if you’re not a doctor, a lawyer, engineer, or doing something that is making you a gazillion dollars… you’re pretty much a failure. Because of this way of thinking, I sometimes struggle with going against the grain in order to pursue my true passions in life. I’m afraid to hear I told you so, or see disappointed faces. Oh… those faces!

    In the end, I am still willing to take the chance and pursue what I really love, because I want to fulfill my God given purpose and not what someone else envisioned for my life. Thanks ladies for sharing your life’s journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! Yes! The struggle of going against the grain! Oh those faces indeed! So glad you understand her heart and can relate to her! So many more of us feel the same way, we’re just hoping someone else would say it first.

      Like

  8. Dina says:

    This is a great read! Will definitely share it with my mommy friends: )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Dina! It would mean so much 🙂

      Like

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