I Was the Ugly Step Sister.

When I received her call on Sunday afternoon, her shaky voice betrayed her. She wanted to share her heart in strength, but in this moment she was weak. I listened in silence. I had no words. I wanted to share this experience with all of you, but knew this was a story that had to come straight from the source. I Love You.

My sweet Vulnera-bites, let’s show my dear friend some love as she taps into this very vulnerable space…

She was Cinderella

And I was her ugly step sister

A reoccurring thought


I was finally in a good place

I did my work (insert Iyanla Fix my Life)

I loved myself

Almost instantly, I found myself right back at mile marker “zero”

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She and I had our usual chat after church service

She mentioned the new guy at church and that he might be a good fit for me

Yay! (Sarcastically)

Another person interested in blowing the dust off of my love life

I smiled and leaned in for more details


As we were walking out of the building, we ran into him

There it was — that all too familiar emotion


I saw as his eyes locked into hers

And suddenly I felt invisible again.

Yep, there’s no way he would be interested in me.

She was Cinderella

…and I was the ugly step sister…

Surely this Prince wasn’t for me


I walked away.

Go into my car and  I wept.


I’ve wrestled with comparison most of my life

Much of this is rooted in rejection

Stained from a traumatic childhood


The silent whispers

“You’re not good enough”

“You’ll never be her”


Why was this resurfacing in my life?

Perhaps, it was the loneliness I was beginning to feel again

I watched everyone around me be pursued, wedded and enter motherhood

Why didn’t anyone want me?

Am I not good enough?






The truth is…

I’m not simply good enough

I am Fearfully and wonderfully made

The apple of God’s eyes

His masterpiece

I’ll never be anyone else but me


My identity is sealed in Him.


She didn’t make me feel like the ugly stepsister

I projected my feelings of unworthiness unto her

I made my friend my measuring stick

I need to see myself through the lens of my Heavenly Father


Dear Me,

I must learn to love myself in the same way in which my Heavenly Father loves me

I must give myself permission to be my most authentic self

No carbon copies here

I must learn to celebrate the uniqueness, beauty, gifts of others without devaluing myself


“Comparison will either lead you into pride or insecurity, but resting in God’s unique love for you will set you free.” – Lisa Bevere


I have not arrived yet

I am pressing toward the mark daily

Learning to be honest about my feelings

Continuing to pursue healing (it’s a journey)

And reminding myself of who and whose I am. – She Speaks

“When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else” – Iyanla Vanzant

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16 Comments Add yours

  1. aseekerfinds says:

    This line got me: “I projected my feelings of unworthiness unto her.” Man, can I relate. As did this: “My identity is sealed in Him.” The imagery of my identity being sealed in Christ is…wow. Nothing I do, think, experience can dilute, or remove, or diminish who I am. Thank you for exposing the lies and speaking God’s unshakeable truth.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow wow wow wow!! Thank you for sharing!! So much incredible truth that is spoken here. These truths that come from Christ need to be shared with passion such as yours more often! You have a beautiful story that is unfolding, I can see that! So much love.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. AMEN!! Beautiful! Thank you for sharing guest writer!!! As I read, I kept saying..YES!…YES! Haha. Like someone was broadcasting my thoughts! I think about how hard we as women are on ourselves-I know I am! The feeling of not being _____ enough is one that seems to pop up in the most vulnerable times, doesn’t it?? As you’ve said, “My identity is sealed in Him…I need to see myself through the lens of my Heavenly Father.” #TrueStory #Preach #BOOM (lol). It’s a DAILY renewal of the mind, but His mercies are new EVERY morning! There is enough grace to handle my fears/anxieties/insecurities/shortcomings,etc….Today. I am so grateful for my community of Godly sistas who continually keep me grounded! The comparison trap can be demolished through authentic community! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Melludi says:

    I cried because I felt you girl! Continue to declare what God says about you. Stick it on your fridge, write it on your bathroom mirror – believe it! Though I don’t know you, I stand in agreement with you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made – nothing missing, broken or lacking. The feeling of being passed over is gut-wrenching but you will look back and thank God for sparing you a path that was not his perfect plan. Love when you said “She didn’t make me feel…” Too often we forget that we are in control of our emotions and we give that control to others all too easily. We can choose to respond to these emotional battles with the affirmations of the lover of our souls!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She Speaks says:

      Thank you Melludi for hearing my heart. Yes, the Holy Spirit definitely checked me and I was able to take ownership over my feelings.

      I love affirmations. It’s funny you mention the post its, I would have them all over my bathroom mirror.

      “We can choose to respond to these emotional battles with the affirmations of the lover of our souls!”

      Yes and Amen! Thanks for reading.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Dina says:

    Such a touching story. It’s unfortunate some people go through it. Hopefully this story can help others see their true value


    1. She Speaks says:

      Thank you Dina! Yes, it is my heart desires to share my struggles in order to bring healing to others.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. S.Moore says:

    Oh how I can see myself here a couple of years ago. The COMPARISON!!! It is the greatest thief to our joy! Once we focus on “whose” we are, our life will change dramatically. Thank you for sharing Your story. It will bless someone in the same position.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She Speaks says:

      Praise God that you are no longer in this place. Focus on “whose are”..Yes! That’s the key to being set free from this comparison trap.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Dani says:

    Thank yoy for sharing your heart!! I’ve struggled with comparing for most of my life. Although my mom told me I was beautiful every chance she got, my daily experiences seemed to overshadow her affirmation of me. No matter how good my grades were or how beautiful I felt within, the slightest hint of rejection caused my self esteem to plummet. Alot of people find their value in what others say to them. Unfortunately, when others stop praising them, they stop feeling adequate. The beauty for you and I, my friend, is that our praise will never end as long as it’s coming from within. Continue to embrace your journey!!


  8. Kay Luv says:

    Thanks for sharing! Comparison, the queen of insecurity. I know I battle with it sometimes, but in the midst of my battles, i’m grateful that my savior reminds me that he made no mistakes when creating me. We all are princesses with our own story to tell. How boring and redundant the story would be if all our stories were the same. #princessintraining


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