I got so much love from my last post. THANK YOU. I got about 50 different clicks from the links I shared. Whoop! Whoop! If only I was getting a commission…hhhmmm…maybe one day. I also want to show some love to my Vulnerabites who shared the post … Big Sloppy Wet Smooches to you! And to my newly subscribed Vulnerabites… Glad to have you 🙂
So, there’s this “new” space I’ve been trying to navigate … Yes- Take a deep breath.
We were all snuggled up in bundles of blankets and pillows, our eyes locked in to “Moonlight” and mouths wide open sipping on “Moonshine.” It was a cozy little cabin in the woods of Vermont, the snow outside extended for miles around us, no neighbors… just us… this was exactly what I had in mind when I envisioned, “a girls getaway.” She smiled and asked, “how’s your boo?” and then she leaned in with a tad bit more seriousness in her tone and asked “how come you never talk about him?” I just shrugged and said, “Well, you know, if people ask, then I share.” But she wasn’t buying it…. and quite frankly neither was I.
Her question really struck a cord in me, “Why didn’t I ever talk about my banana?”
Here’s my attempt to navigate the truth of this space…
One day, two years ago, I listened to one of my closest friends share her heart. She was going out with another friend and said, “I appreciate “Anna” so much, she is intentional about protecting the hearts of her single friends and doesn’t ever talk about her husband or her marriage.” Wow. I felt a sudden check in my gut. “Was I being inconsiderate of my single friends when I shared the details of my evolving love life?” Whether or not I was or I wasn’t… I took on the “cover the hearts of my single friends” cross. I took on that personal vow with fervent zeal and decided that I would not become the girl who was always talking about bae, texting bae, thinking about bae, what would bae think about this, what would bae say about that… bae bae bae …bae-quiet already!
“But I feel like you’re robbing of us something when you don’t share this part of your life with us,” she said. She was right! I remember being on the other side and feeling like, no married people ever talked about their marriages … at least not to me. Ok, maybe a few… like 4 women come to mind. But for the most part, it was the routine, “Oh we’re blessed. He’s good.” #RollingMyEyes And here I was on the verge of doing the same thing.
Here’s my heart — I was doing it in an attempt to “soften the blow” of ‘receiving an answer to my prayers’ while my single friends still wait for theirs. Ouch.
It’s like waiting at the bus stop with someone and then your bus comes first. It only makes sense to get on right? And of course they’re not upset because they know their bus is coming too, right?
This has been very hard for me to say out loud. I felt pinches of “guilt” for handing in my Single Ladies Membership. I wanted to place the keys to the singles clubhouse in the mailbox and just tip-toe away without ruffling any feathers.
As I’m in this ‘new’ space, I’m thankful for my big sis who has aided me in “behind-the-scenes-logistics” that come with “Journey-ing to One-ness.” Not just as it pertains to me and bae, but also as it relates to my friends, my family and all the other things I’ve never stopped to think about. I call her about absolutely anything, I ask her candid questions and she’s always transparent. I cherish her…she’s not ‘putting her business on the streets’ — she’s encouraging me and letting me know, “It’s gonna be ok boo.” I Love You Big Sis!
I must also say that I’m equally grateful for my Marriage Mentor who calls me into her home weekly to ‘teach me and equip me’ with tools to build the foundation for my future marriage. Thank You and Big Hugs to my very own “Ms.Clara” (…from WarRoom, did anybody catch that? lol) Not to scream at anyone, but … WE NEED MORE WOMEN WHO WILL DO THIS! I’m talking to my future self. And finally, thank you to the women like Mrs. Esther Thomas who are always ready to share their learning and growing places in marriage… like in this video for example!
So, as I navigate this ‘new’ space… I hope to learn how I can share enough of my relationship to be insightful to my friends, who are interested … but not so much that my banana feels ‘unpeeled’ without his permission.
To my friends who are single, I am sorry for robbing you.
To my married friends who robbed me, I forgive you.
Vulnerabites, whichever side of the coin you’re on…married, single, dating, vow of chastity or celibacy… I’m behind the screen sipping my tea, (not really, I have a water bottle next to me…lol) I’m waiting for you to flush your thoughts out in the comment box.
PS. If this is your first time here, or second and third, but you’re not subscribed, I’d love it if you would stay — Just hit the “Follow+” button in the bottom right hand of your phone screen and a “Sign Me Up” box will appear– it’s that easy...and you’ll be first in line with total access to my naked truths.