When I Was Single, Nobody Told Me…

Oh yes! It’s about to go down! lol. Hey Vulnerabites… Can I just sloppy wet smooch everyone on the other side of this screen? The love has been real! The last two times I shared my “heart in words”, I got over 500 hits! Whoop! Whoop! I’m looking forward to the day I can add a comma to that number 🙂 Can a girl dream?   I’m excited about my International Vulnerabites from Canada, Barbados, Ireland, UK, Austria, India, Australia, Honduras and Uganda!!! Thank you. Thank You. Thank You. Happy to Have You!

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Let’s get to it Ladies & Gents (Yes! I have male readers… ok, maybe just two…lol)

MJ
Dress: Zara. Watch: Michael Kors. Glasses & Bag: Forever 21.  #WhenYouPretendToBeAFashionBlogger

When I was single, nobody told me to …. wait for it…. Go out and date!

Yes! Yes! Yes! I do believe that Christians should date. I’m going to tell you why in a minute, but first let me share my collection of “Single Girl” reads that I would lay right next to my Bible as I sought out “dating advice for those of us behind the veil, on the holy mountain, behind the first two cherubims on the left side of the sanctuary, pass the second door of purity into the holy of holies closet that’s right next to where Jesus walked and Peter sneezed.”

Lady in Waiting–The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord—Sassy, Single & Satisfied—Boy Meets Girl—Boundaries in Dating—Worth the Wait—Sacred Search— Promises from God for Women—The Dating Manifesto—The Five Love Languages—I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

Uuumm… Joshua Harris…Negative!… I’m going to Kiss Dating “Hello! Hey! How You Doing?”

These books are all great! Thank you to the authors for taking the time to do their research and share their insight with us. I appreciate you. Now that I’ve inserted my politically correct piece, nobody will come for me and my blog…  here is what annoyed me most about “books for singles”… they can all be summed up like this… Ready? … “Don’t Have Sex. Wait on God.”

Am I lying? Come on somebody, AM —–I—– LYING? All I ever heard was, “Wait and Pray.” What if I was encouraged earlier to “Pray and Seek” instead?

Whenever I’ve looked for a job in my life…I prayed (that was for the saints), decided what I wanted and then I SEARCHED  & INTERVIEWED for one.. Same Concept. These “singles books”didn’t challenge me to “engage in my search.” I just woke up one morning and decided that I would. Where are the books that tell me “Go out on Game Days! That’s when all the men come out!” Or even “How to wink at the cutie in the gym staring at me.” That was for you Sarah!…lol

Where are the books with “practical steps to meeting a man” for Singles? #I’mAboutToStartASeries #JustKidding

Here is Page 1 from My Experience…

1.) I smiled back at him.Even if I didn’t like him, even if I made up my mind about him, even if I’d rather be talking to his homeboy… I always smiled back. Smiling is warm and inviting, it removed the intimidation of my “resting black girl face”  and it made me — wait for it— APPROACHABLE! How do you expect to meet your husband if no one ever approaches you?

2.) I went out with ONE friend at a time. — Seriously. My friend and I were taking a stroll in Italy (y’all see that humble brag) and this guy just walked up to us and started talking to us… we didn’t speak Italian, but somehow he guessed we might speak French…before we knew it, he came with a friend later on that night and Boom! A double date in less than 24 hours.

3.) Even if I wasn’t interested, I’d say “Yes to the date!”Uh Uh Mac! Why’d you waste his time and lead him on? I see it differently. It  was my way of commending him on the guts he had to approach me and not to mention it helped me get comfortable talking with the opposite sex. It gave me room to “practice” without any pressure…AND it’ll also boost his confidence the next time he thinks about approaching a woman. See? I’m thinking about the other ladies who are tired of men not stepping to them. If men keep getting shut down, eventually they will shut down. Don’t shoot me… Take the advice or leave it right here on this screen for the next reader.

4.) I made sure he “saw” me. — This might seem shallow, and it is… but men ARE visual. Sistah too deep, stay over there in your corner with that “He should love me for what’s on the inside.” He will. Just not right away. Men had to be attracted to what they “saw” when they looked at me, before deciding they even wanted to know my name. Ladies, we can still be CLASSY and seen. That dress should be tight enough for him to know you’re a woman and loose enough for him to know you’re a lady.  Come on! So, ladies (and gents) get to the gym, buy some new clothes, do your hair! Come on boo!

5.) I didn’t stop dating. — When I decided that I was going to start dating, I REALLY started dating. In the span of two months… I dated a bass player from Brooklyn, the cable guy who hit on me at work, a Belgium soccer player I met in Italy, a banker from Westchester and an Indian guy from my public speaking group. I was in the season of saying “YES!” to every guy that asked me out, even if I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. I had fun! It made for great stories and laughs with my girlfriends! For the first time I felt like I was at the front of the buffet dating line, picking out only what I wanted from all these guys and then sitting down to the final meal of my bae 🙂

My sweet Vulnerabites, What have you learned from dating? Or NOT dating? I’m curious…

Let’s Talk…

Yours Vulnerably.

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12 Comments Add yours

  1. BougieBlack says:

    Love this post.. this is so me getting back into the dating world. Getting out more to actually being around people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right! Glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  2. nkdwhtguy says:

    I just found your blog and am enjoying reading your posts. I like the way you write! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! Welcome…. Glad to have you. Stay a while… Enjoy 🙂

      Like

  3. #2 says:

    This was the funniest read EVER! I can hear your voice out loud in your writing. The dating portfolio tho.

    I can echo the above sentiments. I’ve read all those books you’ve mentioned or at least skimmed through and at the end of it all, I was back at mile marker “0”. Where the heck do I begin?

    Most us “saints” and “good Christian girls” are stuck in the pray and wait stage. Books like the Sacred Search, Dating Manifesto, and a laundry list of “There’s no such thing as the one” sermons really challenged the status quo. It sure did burst my Christian bubble.

    Thanks for freeing us saints and giving us permission to pray and seek. Because sitting at home waiting for the milkman ain’t cutting it no more.

    😂☺️😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha! The milkman? Lol… yes! Permission granted to Pray & Seek…. I’m about to start a conference tour! Lol .. But for now I’ll start with a conversation party 😆

      Like

  4. Dina says:

    I agree, the Christian world doesn’t usually preach about seeking, it’s usually about “pray and it will happen”. Love the blog! Well written and speaks the truth!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aawww thank you honey! Just sharing my own naked truths hoping it helps somebody 🤓

      Like

  5. SM says:

    I so agree that there is not much instruction in the faith world on how to work through our singlehood and still be classy and sassy! I think some of my personal insecurities and religiosity have kept me in a place of waiting….and more waiting without taking an active role in coming out of my single season.

    But I absolutely love the advice # 4 on being seen. I’ve always struggled with fashion and clothes growing up (even now), and I’m happy to have a sense of where the line can be drawn. Tight enough to know you’re a woman and lose enough to know your a lady!
    Thanks for sharing these helpful nuggets!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. SM! Thank you for joining in on the conversation! Right! Not much instruction at all.

      As for fashion, I hear you…. feels like every time I walk into a store, the dresses get shorter…. lol. But, in any case, I’d recommend following fashion vloggers on YouTube to help inspire some outfit ideas. Reach out to the friends whose styles you like and ask them for advice, they’d be flattered to help you.

      Like

  6. Joelle says:

    I endorse the series!
    As one who grew up with the “date the man you will marry” philosophy preached at me, I agree with the whole getting out there and dating.
    Those of you that know me are giving me the stink eye virtually, but the truth is I am open to dating, just not as nice as the writer.
    If I’m not attracted to the man, he isn’t getting any of my time. I’m nice about it, but I turn him down. I have done the whole give the guy a chance thing and my first impression turned out to be correct; I was disappointed and felt like I wasted my time, so…uh..uh.
    The other issue is where to meet these fine specimens. No offense, but the church is not the place (please don’t throw tomatoes at me saints!) It might have worked for others, but not me.
    Everyone says just go out, but WHERE?!
    You gave a good hint…game day. OK, where do you go?
    So series….here I come!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Bahahahahahaaaaaaa!!!! OMG Joelle! I can feel the authenticity all up and down this comment! I hear you on ALL levels… Especially this one: “The other issue is where to meet these fine specimens. No offense, but the church is not the place (please don’t throw tomatoes at me saints!)” — Exactly! WHERE ARE THE BROTHAS!?!? I will “ponder” on that one for you!

      But Game Day was a big eye-opener for me! I went to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch Game 6 of the NBA finals when the Heat was playing the Kings a years ago… Only because I don’t have a TV at home… and to my surprise, I was like, “Well, well, well!”

      I hope that my experiences will make it a little easier for those who are coming after me on this journey… that is my hope in sharing!

      Thanks for chiming in boo! 🙂

      Like

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