He gave me herpes…

Hey Vulnerabites,

I thought that if I shut down my blog (yes! those entire 48 hours…lol), delete the app from my phone, and remove the bookmark on my laptop, I could erase that nagging feeling that is almost compelling me to share this experience with you.

Nah, it’s not a catchy blog title… this is my life. I was 18 years old and he was the first and only person I had ever slept with in my entire life.

molly-belle-73279

I don’t know who this will encourage, (or maybe my sharing is just for me to finally stop hiding) but when I went through this experience, it was the most alone I’ve felt in my entire life. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and I felt like a filthy infectious rag. I wished that SOMEONE who was struggling with this would have opened up and encouraged me that this would not be the end of my life, instead I navigated this space alone as a teenager in this big big big world.

So, friend, I hope you find comfort in my journey…

*Reader Discretion is advised*

We were in the middle of being sexually intimate, he paused and said to me, “Babe, you have a bump right here –pointing to the lower part of my vagina, closer to my anus- you should get it checked out.” Not giving it a second thought, I shrugged and said, “ok.” We continued where we had left off. When the weekend was over, I returned to my college campus— we didn’t live in the same city, he was a 2 hour drive away. 

I woke up two days later and went to shower for class — I lived in a dorm, so we’re talking about a communal shower for a hall of women and I had a roommate. So, I had no privacy — As I proceeded to cleanse my private areas, it was too painful to touch… I looked down and couldn’t see anything, but I knew something was wrong. I rushed out of the shower and into my room — thank God my roommate had already left for class– I layed down on my bed, propping myself up with pillows, I spread my legs wide open and placed the mirror directly in front of me. OOOOMMMMGGG!!! My mouth fell wide open….I was paralyzed with shock. I had no idea what was happening to me, but I knew this could not be good.

That little pimple like bump my boyfriend pointed out, had turned into multiple blister-like-canker-sores and had spread itself all along my inner and outward vaginal lips…. and it was painful. I called my boyfriend and told him what was happening, he told me to go and see a doctor. I decided not to. I thought to myself, I’ll just wait and see if it goes away on it’s own… maybe I was just having an allergic reaction to the panties I was wearing. The next morning, it only got worse. It was so bad, that I could not wear jeans… I put on my cotton undies, because the coolness of the cotton seemed to temporarily provide some relief, my favorite green skirt and a white tank top. Yes, I remember what I was wearing, this day is permanently etched into my memory. I  was on my way to the school clinic, I wanted to run there… but I could barely walk. When I closed my legs, and my vaginal lips touched one another, the sores rubbed against each other and it really hurt… I cried a few times before I finally left my room. I mustered up the courage to put on my mask and a fake smile to greet the girls in the hallway, as I walked out of my dorm building. They had no idea I was on my way to get a diagnosis that would change my life forever. I walked slowly across the campus from my dorm room, to the school clinic. I couldn’t get there fast enough.

I sat on that hard brown ‘bed’, naked underneath that blue gown and held my legs wide open as she invaded my most private space.  She took some “specimen” from a few of the open sores (OUCH!) looked up and said, “This looks like herpes, but we won’t know for sure until your results come back.” I went blank. All I saw was her mouth moving, her scribbling on my report and then her back, as she walked out of the room. There I was …. an 18 year old girl, on that hard brown bed, in a cold clinic room, naked and alone with my new reality.

TESTIMONY 1
I intentionally left “UF Student Health Care Center” in the picture, so you would know that I wasn’t making this up, or didn’t get some fake report from Google… This is MY life.

Vulnerabites… My journey doesn’t end here… but I do realize this blog is getting a bit lengthy. Please don’t judge me just yet… I’ll see you over in my next entry.

PS. This is hard for me… I am literally in tears as I hit publish. (Thanks for praying with me #2!)

*** Click Here to Comment ***

 

36 Comments Add yours

  1. Catheryne says:

    Wow, thanks for sharing and for allowing us to read it in a way that we feel as if we are there with you. So many young girls go through this and need to know that they aren’t alone and that they too, can over come this. I couldn’t imagine going through this, although I’ve been through something similar. Great post! On to number two!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! I want them to know they’re not alone and yes… they can overcome it! Wow! You’ve been through something similar? Are you going to share your story?

      Like

  2. Hi Hun x I’ve just started reading your very personal story. You are incredibly brave! Xxx I will continue the series x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing your time with me! Enjoy 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. aseekerfinds says:

    I never know where you’re going to take me, but each time I read a blogpost, you take me somewhere that causes me to be real with myself. I wish I could do a study of your readers to assess how many women have felt empowered to freely share their stories as a result of watching the way you vulnerably share yours. I’m over here tryna figure out if I should head over to parts 2 and 3, or get ready for my 9am meeting…….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Please, yes… that study would be a good one! We know that you’re the queen of research! Keep me posted on those results. You could be your own first case study, have you been empowered to share your story?

      Love you girl 😘

      Like

  4. You are INCREDIBLE, Naked Writer! You have an amazing gift! Thank you for inviting us into these dark and painful places! Like many others have said, your words touch us to the core because they are so beautifully raw, honest, and REAL! Thank you for taking us along on your journey! A song that talks about God holding our future and our past, and the unfathomable nature of His love for us, came to mind! Not only does He pursue us in the midst of our chaos and mess, but He asks us to be his friend!! I can only imagine how painful this was for you to put out there…but THANK YOU! *HUGS!*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not the Hulk, but I’m incredible…lol (heard that in a song)…. “Beautifully Raw” — That needs to be a hashtag somewhere!!! Thank you for being so encouraging and supportive on this journey with me love…. You are just as incredible. I love you girl!

      Like

  5. Vanessa says:

    Thanks for sharing. I had a college roommate with a similar experience and at the time she was devastated.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah… Devastated is probably a very good word to describe this. Thank you for reading, maybe you can share this with her, so she’d be encouraged that she’s not alone.

      Like

  6. JM says:

    No judgement here! And I know your blog is helping someone! Love You friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. AR says:

    Oh Mac. Very sad and I so appreciate your willingness to really be out with your life’s experiences. The good news is that this may be your reality, it is not what defines you! My prayer is that your readers will be able to see that this stuff is real and happens to real life people. Especially for young teens. I am so sure that God can heal even herpes and my prayer is just that. So continue to walk with your head up high because God doesn’t waste anything! You are and will always be, the daughter of the most HIGH KING!!! You are the bomb, the real deal!!! I just love how God uses you! Keep being open to the journey! These blogs are chapters in your book! Get ready! People need real! Blessings on your day!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “People Need Real!” — I sure hope so, because this whole “be real” thing doesn’t always feel so good. But the way these statistics are set up, I know that SOMEONE who read this, shares my story.

      Like

  8. Sistah inspire says:

    May you find continuous healing as a result of sharing your story with us! You are not alone! Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank You Love. Keep me lifted in prayer please.

      Like

  9. #2 says:

    Awww such joy in my heart! Tears!

    “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” ― Brené Brown

    Thank you for allowing yourself to be seen. Your story will set someone else free.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Letting ourselves be seen, hhhmmmm…. I hope more people will be encouraged to show themselves and be free with me. YOU inspire me! Looking forward to your guest entry friend! Big Hugs!

      Like

  10. Wow, just.. wow! You have some serious courage and strength sharing this with the world. I appreciate you being so open and vulnerable with all of us. This gives your reader insight to you when you write, in a real tangible way. You are not alone in this. So proud of you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “So open and vulnerable” — They don’t call me the Naked Writer for nothing…lol… Ok, maybe I just call myself that. In any case, please do pass it along… it’s not about me anymore, it’s about letting people know they’re not alone in this. So to those who have hears (pun intended), let them hear my heart 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Exactly girl! This is why we write! To those who have ears to hear the wisdom and experiences that we have to share, let them really hear it, not just listen to it.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Dina says:

    That took a lot of strength to share. I know you’ll help someone out here. People shouldn’t​ have to live in shame especially​ when someone else gave it to them. People should educate themselves on that subject to have a better understanding.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. HHhmmm…. “People shouldn’t have to live in shame” — That’s a hard statement…. I don’t know if we choose shame, sometimes we feel like it’s picked us and the shoe seems to fit, so we wear it. Dina Love, I didn’t get educated on this until AFTER I was infected, and by then it was too late… it was education to manage it and not prevent it. I’m hoping my next entry can shed some light on this. Love you boo!

      Like

  12. heavenwbc says:

    SO bold. SO brave! This is really amazing of you to share your story with others that could benefit! I’m giving you a long, tight hug in my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s all a sister could use right now, is a HUG! Hugging You Back! — I hear you’ve been raving to the big sis! Love how you’re so into my writing. Im encouraged. Big Big Hugs!

      Like

  13. Joelle says:

    I want to start off by saying thank you for being so brave and sharing this incredibly intimate and difficult piece of your life.
    Clinicians have to be objective and maintain a professional demeanor, but it doesn’t hurt to empathize and try to address how a patient in such a situation might feel. Reading what you have written has opened up a whole new aspect of how to help someone in a similar situation.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Incredibly Intimate Indeed. So glad that I could offer you a different perspective as a clinician. Yeah, professional demeanor is great… but patients are still humans, sometimes getting news that will change their reality forever (like myself). I have some tips on “how clinicians can be professionally human”… lol (not really funny though)… Maybe another blog. Thanks for journeying with me Joelle!

      Like

  14. … I know this must have been incredibly difficult for you to share but i appreciate your ability to pull us into your world. I know that when people read your next entry they will be changed forever. thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Literally in tears…. Glad you’re journeying alongside me T!

      Like

  15. KayLove says:

    lives…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. KayLove says:

    I’m so proud of you lady! Thank you for being so brave, your testimony will change people life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hope so 🙂 Thank you friend!

      Like

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