Should We Expect Our Friends To…

Hey Vulnerabites,

So about this time last year in my blog post, Mentally I’ve Left.  I wrote…

Me: I’m alright — still at my job. Want to be gone next year. Really doing myself a disservice by being there. 

Guess what? I resigned from my job last week.

Ok, I didn’t quit because my business is booming and I’m getting paid way more than I did at my job … at least not yet… rather, it’s because my family has decided to re-locate back to Miami and I decided it was a good time for me to move too!

So anyway, I’m in this ‘new space’ of trying to figure out “what do I want to do next?”

I’m kind of torn between… “Follow your dreams boo!” and “Girl, you need to pay them bills!” lol.

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So, there’s this girl in UK who’s on this pursuit of following her photography dreams and she released a “raw ugly truth” video where she dispelled the glitz and glam myth of self-employment that I see on social media. She actually starts crying… Man, the authenticity of this video ripped my heart wide open.

Two days ago, my friend shared a screenshot of her feature on this ‘tech’ page… It was kind of a big deal, seeing that she’s finally pursuing her dreams!!! FINALLY MADAM! lol

Side Note: She was recently let go at work and has used the time off to put energy and efforts into her ‘tech-preneurship.’ So this feature was really encouraging! Like, maybe being laid off was the gateway to her dreams coming true!

Sadly, she responded… “I sent this to seven of my friends and only two responded with something positive. Anytime I send something foolish, I hear back from them almost immediately. We’re going on 2.5 hours now.” OUCH.

Ohhhh #2, you and I have had these conversations countless times… that awkward space of a roaring silence when no one responds to our shares in a group text. Hhmmm…

So Vulnerabites, should we expect our friends to ‘support’ us or nah?

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Heather Lindsey has an interesting take on it, when she tells us “DON’T EXPECT YOUR FRIENDS TO SUPPORT YOUR IDEAS!

“Your friends might not be your audience!” — Boom! #DropTheMic, Well said Mrs.Lindsey!

Don’t get me wrong, I have a few people who religiously support my endeavors and there are others who don’t.

“Expectations are resentments in waiting.”

So, what’s the balance between “expecting my loved ones to support me” and “do they really have to though?”

I’m finding the balance by letting those who DO show support know how grateful I am… even if it’s a text that says, “hey, thanks for that share.”

And on the other hand, I’m finding it quite intriguing for complete strangers to take an interest in what I’m doing. Especially when people I’ve never met pour their hearts out in the comments of my blog, or tell me on Instagram that they’re “star struck”… HA! Thank You Ms.Janea!

There’s something refreshingly rewarding about an organic and ‘un-obligated’ like, share, comment.

I have to guard my heart against seeking validation in my friends’ likes, shares and comments.

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I need to be secure in myself enough to say, “hey, if you never get a like, comment or share… keep doing what you do boo!”

My validation should be found in pleasing Christ. That’s much easier said than done, because every now and then, a pat on my back from a loved one IS encouraging.

When Samson wanted to marry a Philistine woman, not even his parents supported him… but it was part of God’s plan for his life.

I can’t get caught up waiting on claps from an audience that I may not be ‘called’ to.

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So, Vulnerabites… what do I do?

I take the support of those who give it to me and I keep it moving. My friends don’t mean any harm when they don’t ‘show support’… it’s just that maybe they’re not interested in what I’m doing — AND THAT’S OK… or maybe they’re just “used to me” — Oh, that’s just Mac. –AND THAT’S OK TOO… or maybe they’re just busy with their own lives… THAT’S OK THREE—- or maybe they don’t even know that I want or need support — because maybe I look like I have it all going for me and I have a secret support group that helps make all this magic happen.

Whatever it is, I need to NOT take it personal… guard my heart from offense … and keep doing what I’m doing, whether or not I get the ‘support’ I think I’m supposed to have.

What does ‘show support’ even mean? Well, it looks different for everybody…. but between my friends and I, maybe just responding to what I share is a good start (like seriously just replying to my text). Sharing my (event/blog/business) on your social media platform. Passing it on in your group texts. Connecting me with someone who might be interested in what I’m doing… And maybe just telling me “good job friend”. 

But you’re definitely not obligated to. It would just be nice.

So, note to self… my loved ones don’t owe me anything, not even support… but when I do get it, I should be grateful for it. I love them for who they are and not what they do for me.

But then again, from the innovative genius himself…

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Whether you quit your job or you were let go…. Here’s to New Beginnings! And whether or not you get support for your entrepreneurial venture, Here’s to Future Successes!

So, Vulnerabites, what do you think?

Should we expect our friends to support us?

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Yours Vulnerably,

The Naked Writer

 

 

26 Comments Add yours

  1. There are somethings you are called to do for others and you will be blessed for doing it with a cheerful heart; but there are you are called to do things for you, just you and although it may feel like we are on our own, I think at times we learn to trust the Lord more during those times, when we have no one supporting us

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Sometimes we’re on our own and indeed we should learn to trust the Lord! Amen.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post! I absolutely agree that friends and family should show genuine support in any way possible, and as feasible. I do, however, feel that such support (whether received or not) shouldn’t define our standing nor our sense of purpose, with whatever we are called to do. (Although, it is often very encouraging!) As with your last post, this is something I am working on personally! Looking into how to show the right support, at the right time, as support may be given and received differently, depending on the person. I will say that Joelle’s response really resonated with me! Asking for help has never been my forte, and sometimes, I WANT to show support to those closest to me, but I am at times so drained from work, that it can feel like I have no more left to give. So, I retreat into my little bubble for a breather. This post was a brilliant reminder for me. Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do, however, feel that such support (whether received or not) shouldn’t define our standing nor our sense of purpose, with whatever we are called to do. —- Umm… you wanna come and be a guest writer>?>? YYeesss!

      Wanting to be there for our friends… but drained with life ourselves… Hhmm… This is a very interesting point. #potentialblog

      You’re the best!

      Like

  3. I know we should look to God and not people but my goodness sometimes I want someone to be like “ you’re doing good , keep it up.” 😩 I feel so alone at times because of it but I come from a family that always doubted me and never believed in me so I guess it’s to be expected. . I know I messed up a lot in life but I’m doing better now and sometimes I would love the support because I support everyone whether I agree with whatever they are doing or not. I know what it’s like to not be celebrated so maybe that’s why I celebrate others so much. I won’t stop being who I am and I will continue to trust God. I know that I have to be my own cheerleader because some times that’s all you have , yourself . Great post !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Girl, I started reading your comment and thought you had taken an excerpt from my blog to quote, because it started to sounded just like something I would say … lol… Yes! Sometimes we want someone to just say “you’re doing good, keep it up.” Well Said Cristal!

      Like

  4. Cay says:

    “Expectations are resentments in waiting.”

    Aha moment.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. racpanos says:

    The thing about having a support system is the fallacy that, that system is supposed to support us! The sentence itself sounds awkward huh? But in reality, nobody cares as much when they hear you talk about your ideas, they rather “KNOW” you when you have “DONE” your ideas! Meaning, when your ideas are now actions, and they are obvious in their sight, they begin to reckon with it. That is just to say that, most often, we are and can be our own support system by showing how serious we are about our ideas by implementing them no matter how little, no matter how small and just being consistent. If I keep sharing my ideas of becoming a lawyer within a 10 year period or a 10 day time frame, but nobody sees me talking about topics pertaining to laws in the country, police, etc, or going to a law school, etc, I mean how can they associate me with being a “lawyer” ? How can they see that idea in me even in a very casual level?

    But all this, is about MATURITY; that tough mother-in-law kind of discipline. If we allow ourselves to be independent of what people say about our dreams, we can begin a matured process. It is a tough, difficult and emotionally hurting place when your loved ones could care less what you want to be or become! They only want to know you when you have made it. So we have to allow ourselves to mature into the process; the pain, the ups, the downs of the entire journey of becoming what we want to whether we get the support or not! AND THAT IS HARD, isn’t it? But that is part of the success story!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “It is a tough, difficult and emotionally hurting place when your loved ones could care less what you want to be or become! They only want to know you when you have made it.” — Wow! #TwoSnaps

      Right exactly! Mature into the process whether we get the support or not!

      It’s part of the success story — well said! Well said!

      Like

  6. jaylining says:

    This post is great! I find myself sometimes feeling obligated to comment on a friends post and I just want to focus on everything being more genuine instead of an obligation!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah girl! I hear you!

      I’ve found that sometimes my friends will read my blog and then text me … lol… I’m like “Uumm go comment and the blog” that’s what the comment section is for 🙃 But it’s more for other readers, because often times people share the same reaction to my blog and are encouraged when someone else shares their sentiment.

      But I totally agree on the genuine response rather than obligation.

      When I first started blogging, I’d ask for comments… now, I just write and hit publish! And I’m happy to have those who WANT to engage with me in the comments!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Didi says:

    This is a great article for those starting a new business venture or simply a new chapter in their lives. At the end of the day I agree with TNW, their lack of support can’t be taken personally. There are so many types of maybes as to why a love one isn’t able to show support. It can be simple as they don’t know how to show support or them projecting their own fears onto you. Sometimes it takes strangers to value what you are doing so that your loved ones can get on board

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right! Good point Didi— maybe they don’t know how! To Sarah’s point, perhaps being specific about what kind of support we’d want is helpful!

      I agree! Sometimes it takes strangers to see the value. Because a prophet is without honor in his own hometown, right?!?

      Like

  8. sarah says:

    Of course we should expect our friends and family to support us, but we shouldn’t define support for them. It’s your passion and your business, not there’s. However if you want them to support you in a particular way (share a social media post or comment on a blog), be specific with them and ask. “Hey friends and fam, if you can take 5 minutes this week to check out my blog and comment or tag 10 of your friends in my instagram post.”

    Sometimes people will support you without you knowing and sometimes people just want to know specifically what kind of support you are looking for?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. sarah says:

      *theirs…

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Yes! Great points all around! This has me thinking that maybe very similar to Love languages, we all might have a “support language.”

      So, indeed, people may be offering us their own version of support, but perhaps we’re not interpreting it as such, because that may not be what we’re looking for. However, it doesn’t take away from the effort.

      You bring up a good point, when you say… be more clear in how we would want the support.

      Yes! You’re right! People support us without us knowing it! It’s happened to me a couple of times.

      But to the example in this blog, my friend shared a text of a “proud moment” in her “entrepreneurial endeavors” and didn’t get a reply from whom she would consider her “support network.”

      But thank you for your points of views! Good ones!

      Like

  9. Ty Edge says:

    You know, usually I don’t do this, but…

    Here are my two cents from a professional standpoint.

    Note: I recognize that this does nothing to alleviate the emotional stresses and anxiety that most of us feel throughout our entrepreneurial journeys (Although toward that end: I don’t know too many artists or creators that have confidence of steel. Instead, we have a God of steel and guts of steel that allow us to move past fears with force).

    However, because I am a die-hard champion of market validation, I always feel there is an inherent danger in going to our friends and family for early stage support in business. I know there are many who promulgate selling and promoting to friends/family first – because they are viewed as the easiest to target. However, the challenge is that many friend/family members will support you whether or not you are offering something they actually want or need. This can lead to a false sense of security and inaccurate validation.

    In your own words, “There’s something refreshingly rewarding about an organic and ‘un-obligated’ like, share, comment.” I believe the reward you’re referencing is true market validation. It says that a person genuinely found value in your offering. In business, there are few things more invigorating than validating that there is truly a market for what your producing (whether content, a service, or a product) – and furthermore, that market has found value in it. The icing on the cake is that if people outside your network find, consume, and value your product/service/content, there is a high probability that the friends/family who fall into your target market will as well!

    None of this means you don’t need or want your friends/family words of encouragement, investment of time, labor, capital, etc. However, chances are, if you focus first on proving your concept and validating your market, those things will follow.

    Another thing Steve Jobs is known for is his reality distortion ability. As an entrepreneur, sometimes you’ll just have to be irrationally, insanely, unrelentingly willing to believe in, support, encourage, uplift, push, and motivate yourself. If God gave you a destination, get there – no matter what!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. MADAM TY!!!! YES! YES! YES! You have said it so “dawg-on” well! Man! I really appreciate this perspective!

      “It says that a person genuinely found value in your offering. In business, there are few things more invigorating than validating that there is truly a market for what your producing (whether content, a service, or a product) – and furthermore, that market has found value in it.”

      — Aaahhh, I’ve learned a new term “market validation.”

      Yes! I totally agree! Sometimes loved ones ‘support’ because of they love us and not that they necessarily see a need or have a desire for what we offer.

      “Unrelentingly willing to believe in myself”. #DropTheMic

      Keep the wisdom coming! I can learn from you!

      Like

  10. Joelle says:

    This may seem off topic, so bear with me…. as I read this, I was reminded of all of the disasters that are going on seemingly one after the other. I thought how the people who would normally reach out to help others in times of trouble now find themselves in need of help, and unable to extend a lending hand.
    So it is sometimes. At times, a person who would normally be a great cheerleader or supporter may be in a place of needing support himself and unable to ask for it. So, although willing to be supportive, simply doesn’t have the will or energy to do so, as you alluded in the post.
    Thank you for sharing because I am seeing how important it is to not be afraid to say, hey, how about a little love, as well as letting your friends know that not only do you support them with words, but with actions. For those who think, that child is cray-cray for leaving a steady check, thank you for remaining silent.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “At times, a person who would normally be a great cheerleader or supporter may be in a place of needing support himself and unable to ask for it.” — Well said! I guess when I’m thinking about myself, I’m not thinking about anyone else.

      Really great perspective! Thank you for offering us that! #ChiefVulnerabite

      Like

  11. Kye Medley says:

    It would be nice if friends and family supported us.I remember growing up, I always knew that I wanted to be in the entertainment industry, and as I got older and still wanted to pursue my dreams, my parents were like, seriously. They thought it was something I would grow out of, but long story short, when they saw me be consistent and saw that my hard work and dedication was paying off, they gave me a pat on my back and started bragging to others about their daughter, lol. So, sometimes family and friends don’t understand when you do something out of the norm, but when they see results, that’s when they say “ok, yeah I see you,” and that feels good. But, even if they don’t ever support you, keep going because you will have others supporting you, trust and believe. And congrats Macalanious. You have been dedicated and consistent, I am so proud of you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aaaww Little One! I remember in college when you said you wanted to be an actress and started INVESTING IN YOURSELF…. I was totally impressed! And you’re right, sometimes it helps those close to us to see the ‘consistency’ in our pursuit… I agree… Because I’m that way too. (Look at Issa Rae— talk about the power of consistency!) But like you said, even if they don’t ever come around… KEEP GOING!!! I’m proud of YOU Little One! I remember your first feature in Essence Magazine! I was totally bragging on you! lol I’m sure there will be more to brag on in the months and years to come! Big Hugs! #TeamEntrepreneurship #TeamFollowMyDreams

      Like

  12. Quis says:

    They do not. Thanks for reminding me that Jesus is the ultimate validator 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed. Not always easy to swallow. But that will help us on our way to the top and it will KEEP US THERE!!!

      Like

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