I love this woman quite dearly and I am so excited that she has decided to share her wisdom with the world in the launch of her new blog, Journey 2 One (Go check it out!). I know you’ll enjoy the candid-ness of her experiences as much as I do! Again, Vulnerabites…let’s show our guest writer some llllooooovvveee! Love you Jazz! You are the BESTEST big sister a girl could ever ask for… oh where would my life be without you! Muah! Muah! Muah!
“You know what. You better call the pastor because I don’t think this is going to work!”
After two and a half weeks of being married, I uttered these words to my husband. You would think that after basking in the Tahitian waters of Bora Bora, eating Nutella covered pineapple, and viewing rainbows of fish daily thanks to our glass bottom water bungalow, these memories would be motivation enough to remain in the relaxing groove of what was paradise on Earth.
Let me explain.
My husband and I had finally settled into our new home. We were talking through a decision we needed to make. All, I remember from the conversation were the phrases that lingered in the air after they rolled off his tongue:
“I’m the man.”
“I make the decisions for our family.”
With each word, the wrinkles on my forehead became more defined and my eyebrows lifted higher and higher. I was 31 at the time and knew the hot flashes surging through my body weren’t because I was menopausal. I just couldn’t fathom who this person was standing in front of me. Where was the progressive guy I married? You know, the one who was open to taking my last name. This caveman in front of me, dressed in shorts and a v-neck, looked like him, but his tone was completely foreign to me.
My reality in that moment became clear… this was real life and guess what? The red light was on (a phrase my husband and I would soon adopt in our marriage to signify that something is happening and there would be no stopping the tape of Life to say, “Cut. Rewind”).
With my hands on my hips and that “you-must-have-me-messed-up”look on my face, I stood there in the middle of our living room. I was waiting for my turn to speak. I knew exactly what I was going to say, because clearly in moments like these who really is listening?Instead, we are preparing ourselves for our moment on the soapbox.
Sleeves rolled up. Ready……aim…….and then it happened.
As the tape of Life was rolling, it hit me. This argument, this disagreement would not be the first or the last.
After sitting my ego down, I realized this is marriage.
It is this process of becoming ONE.
Genesis 2: 24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” In marriage, we place significance on the word “one” but we forget that there is another word in that statement that is equally important, “become.”
The word become means “begin to be” or even better “grow to be.”
All of which, suggests that God, the creator of marriage, understood in the first union of man and wife the goal to oneness would be ongoing.
He knew that the coming together of two individuals would not be instantaneous. He knew that my husband and I (and others out there) would walk into marriage with our own ideas, beliefs, and experiences on, what color the walls should be? Should we use the dishwasher or hand wash dishes? Who would manage the finances? And those are just on the surface. Guess what? I learned that day the list goes on and will keep unraveling as I continue to walk the road of marriage with my husband.
We didn’t call the pastor that night.
We realized in our clashing of titans, that this would be normal. More importantly, that God understands the struggles we would have and has equipped us with His Word to address every last one of them.
We ended that disagreement in prayer.
We asked the Lord to remind us in difficulties to remain true to our commitment to each other and to Him, actively listen (or at least try REALLY hard to); more importantly, never allow our egos to get in the way.
We said amen.
Looked at each other and said, “this is going to be quite a journey.” And of course, we proceeded into what married people do.
We learned that day that as we are slowly becoming every disagreement or argument does gets better.
Feature Writer, Journey 2 One
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