I Posted His Penis on Facebook.

Hey Vulnerabites,

Sooo umm Yaa Yaa, fellow Vulnerabite, read my last post and asked me this:

How did you get through it with your self-esteem in tact and the ability to find love again?

I wanted to throw the Christian stamp at her and shout JESUS!, but there’s a Mac who would roll her eyes if someone responded to her that way.

So here goes… I don’t know if I got it all right— I wish I knew I’d be writing a blog about that experience, so I could’ve taken notes in the process…lol

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Let me start by saying, my self-esteem was NOT in tact when he kicked me to the curb, in fact, it was the lowest it’s ever been in my entire life.

Left: Before the Break Up

Right: After the BreakUP (lost tons of weight) Don’t let the smile fool you, it was all lies, read that post here.

Now that we’ve cleared that up.

1.) It took me about 6 months, but I finally accepted that it was over, he wasn’t coming back and no, he wasn’t going to wake up and realize he had ‘made a big mistake.’ There was a part of me wishing he would… but he never did.

Once I was able to find my closure in accepting that truth…

2.) I started going to the gym— not to lose weight, I was quite slim— but just to get out of the house (I wasn’t working at the time) I bought new clothes (because I had left them at his house and wasn’t  going back for them), tried new hair styles and started investing more in my make up. How shallow of me! Who cares! In more polished terms, I began to ‘invest in my physical appearance.’

TNW 2
I started the gym about 4 months after the break up.

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3.) I spent a lot of time with friends. As much as I could, I minimized my time alone. My family would all go to work and I’d be home crying all day, never showering, eating or moving from where they had left me. Being with people who loved me was reaffirming when feelings of rejection tried to resurface.

TNW 3
About 8 Months after the break up, I was finally coming back into myself. Traveling with friends definitely helped in my healing!

4.) I took honest assessment of the places in myself that he had pointed out as ‘broken’, and I started to “work” on them. <<< VERY HUMBLING STEP>>> Being able to admit that I too had contributed to the ending of the relationship. I started reading ‘self improvement’ books. Lots of them.

5.) I stopped stalking him on Facebook. Like seriously, I had the password to his facebook account and YES I was checking his messages (he gave it to me when we were dating) — I wanted to know what he was telling people about our break up.  I swore to myself that if he lied about me, I would change his profile picture to one of his penis, yep I had a picture of it that I kept just for times like this. Don’t judge me please. Anyway, he must’ve forgotten I had his password because he never changed it.

Now that you’ve completed the 5-step program to reclaiming your self-esteem, love will find you….lol.

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img_0476.jpg
The ultimate post break-up snatch back! Yyyyaassss honey ❤

And sure enough, the inner workings of crying, praying and working on myself begin to yield outward results… and boom I’m married to the best human I’ve ever met in my life…lol.

Didn’t really happen that easily… I met my husband 3 years later — but all the work I had “done on myself” yielded in a far healthier relationship than I’ve ever had in the past.

I’d be a fraud if I didn’t admit the part my faith played in my healing… I trusted the scripture that told me, “ALL things would work for my good.” — Even the blasted heartache I had endured at the hands of betrayal. And sure enough, the pain of that experience forced me into “updating” myself, and that was good… really good.

And in addition to that, I can share these yummy insights with my Vulnerabites ☺️

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So, Vulnerabites, do y’all have some tips on ‘reclaiming your self-esteem’ after dealing with any kind of rejection?

Let’s Chat.

PS. If you enjoyed this blog share it with a friend and remember to Subscribe!

Yours Vulnerably,

The Naked Writer

15 Comments Add yours

  1. Christy B says:

    Those first few months are toughhhhhh! And I would totally get that temptation to check his FB messages if you had the password. Fast forward those few years ahead and you met your hubby – great timing as by then you were healthy, mentally and physically 🙂 HUGS

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! It really is tough in the beginning… almost hopeless! But yes! Grateful for the holistic health that I reaped because of it!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Jaylin says:

    *👏🏾

    Like

  3. Jaylin says:

    You look so bomb Mac 😍👏🏾👏🏾🤔

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol… thank you honey ❤️💋💄 Hope that picture didn’t distract you from the lessons in this though 😝

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this post! Thanks so much for doing the hard work of creating it. You’re referring to rejection after a breakup but this could apply to so many other situations in life: losing a job, etc.

    I’m glad you mentioned that you focused on your physical appearance. Women get their inner value from outward appearance. It’s kinda shallow but true. It’s also true that when we are rejected, it is so difficult for us to think that we did anything wrong. That’s the piece we’re missing but it’s so necessary. What books were you reading?

    Something meant to destroy you ultimately ended led you to the beautiful space you’re in now. Everything happens for a reason.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yyyeesss!!! It could apply to all types of rejections!!! Glad you caught that!

      Yeah, I needed a physical upgrade… the stress had my hair thinning and falling out…. wasn’t eating, so was losing way too much weight…. not to mention the stress was showing up in pimples all over my face…. it just really was a crappy place physically.

      I had heard exercise was good for depression, and so I tried it—— not knowing then that I was actually depressed, thought it was just a heartbreak stuff ❤️

      The first book I remember reading, along with another friend who was going through a break up was “Lady in Waiting” workbook and we discussed our q&a every week! So helpful for me in that place!!!

      Yes! What was meant to kill me, God turned it around for my good 🙌🏾 #WontHeDoIt

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ita Shares says:

    Wow. Did you really change his profile picture to his thing**** 👀😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Girl 😏😝👅🤷🏾‍♀️ … 😂😂😂

      Like

  6. Joelle says:

    The fact that you were able to look at what he thought was “wrong” with you and decide to work on them for you shows a great deal of maturity. Admitting that it took 2 for the relationship not to work is more than people 3 times your age will ever admit to, so kudos to you.
    The greatest triumph is the fact that you were able to move on to be happy.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aaawww thanks Joelle!!! Didn’t feel like a place of maturity at the time… just felt like I didn’t want to give the next guy a way out 😂😂😂 Wanted to be the best “Mac” I thought I could be ❤️ Your thoughts are always well received. Love You 😘

      Like

  7. driftyness says:

    That part about considering the things your ex said were wrong with you, honestly looking at them, and working to change them blew my mind. It would’ve been so easy (and probably within your rights) to just say, “he’s a jerk, what does he know?” But instead, you went ahead and got a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual glow up from a bad situation. I love it! Maybe he’s the one stalking your Facebook now.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Bahahahaa… stalking my Facebook now huh? 🧐 lol Who knows 🤷🏾‍♀️ Yes! It would’ve been easy and I did pull the “he’s a jerk” card from time to time … just didn’t stay there 🙌🏾 Thanks so much for stopping by Driftyness… or should I call you Drifty? 🤷🏾‍♀️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. driftyness says:

        Drifty’s fine too!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Drifty it is! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

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