Sooo umm Yaa Yaa, fellow Vulnerabite, read my last post and asked me this:
How did you get through it with your self-esteem in tact and the ability to find love again?
I wanted to throw the Christian stamp at her and shout JESUS!, but there’s a Mac who would roll her eyes if someone responded to her that way.
So here goes… I don’t know if I got it all right— I wish I knew I’d be writing a blog about that experience, so I could’ve taken notes in the process…lol
Let me start by saying, my self-esteem was NOT in tact when he kicked me to the curb, in fact, it was the lowest it’s ever been in my entire life.
Left: Before the Break Up
Right: After the BreakUP (lost tons of weight) Don’t let the smile fool you, it was all lies, read that post here.
Now that we’ve cleared that up.
1.) It took me about 6 months, but I finally accepted that it was over, he wasn’t coming back and no, he wasn’t going to wake up and realize he had ‘made a big mistake.’ There was a part of me wishing he would… but he never did.
Once I was able to find my closure in accepting that truth…
2.) I started going to the gym— not to lose weight, I was quite slim— but just to get out of the house (I wasn’t working at the time) I bought new clothes (because I had left them at his house and wasn’t going back for them), tried new hair styles and started investing more in my make up. How shallow of me! Who cares! In more polished terms, I began to ‘invest in my physical appearance.’
3.) I spent a lot of time with friends. As much as I could, I minimized my time alone. My family would all go to work and I’d be home crying all day, never showering, eating or moving from where they had left me. Being with people who loved me was reaffirming when feelings of rejection tried to resurface.
4.) I took honest assessment of the places in myself that he had pointed out as ‘broken’, and I started to “work” on them. <<< VERY HUMBLING STEP>>> Being able to admit that I too had contributed to the ending of the relationship. I started reading ‘self improvement’ books. Lots of them.
5.) I stopped stalking him on Facebook. Like seriously, I had the password to his facebook account and YES I was checking his messages (he gave it to me when we were dating) — I wanted to know what he was telling people about our break up. I swore to myself that if he lied about me, I would change his profile picture to one of his penis, yep I had a picture of it that I kept just for times like this. Don’t judge me please. Anyway, he must’ve forgotten I had his password because he never changed it.
Now that you’ve completed the 5-step program to reclaiming your self-esteem, love will find you….lol.
And sure enough, the inner workings of crying, praying and working on myself begin to yield outward results… and boom I’m married to the best human I’ve ever met in my life…lol.
Didn’t really happen that easily… I met my husband 3 years later — but all the work I had “done on myself” yielded in a far healthier relationship than I’ve ever had in the past.
I’d be a fraud if I didn’t admit the part my faith played in my healing… I trusted the scripture that told me, “ALL things would work for my good.” — Even the blasted heartache I had endured at the hands of betrayal. And sure enough, the pain of that experience forced me into “updating” myself, and that was good… really good.
And in addition to that, I can share these yummy insights with my Vulnerabites ☺️
So, Vulnerabites, do y’all have some tips on ‘reclaiming your self-esteem’ after dealing with any kind of rejection?
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The Naked Writer