Single? Here’s who to blame.

Hey Vulnerabites,

I’m totally married, so I don’t really need to take on this cause… but I really do though, because of what I’ve been through and in hopes of sharing some insight for those who are coming behind me in this journey.

So, the ‘professional side’ of our video chat had come to an end, we were just brainstorming around some life goals… and somehow the words “church and emotional health” echoed it’s way into our conversation.

“OMG!!! This girl gets it!!! A fellow saint who understands my eye rolls and knows that I haven’t simultaneously forsaken my love of Christ!”

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I’m going to say this plainly…

the church is a disservice to singles.

In all my single young adult life, I can only remember one sermon series intentionally for singles preached on a Sunday… and it wasn’t even my church. A friend  shared the link to an Andy Stanley series he preached at his church, Northpoint, in Georgia, called “Love.Sex.Dating.” She had also shared a podcast deliberately created for Single Christian Young Adults that was my life saver… it literally gave me courage to be “guilt-free” in my active pursuit for marriage. I mean they’re latest podcast is entitled “How to Talk to Guys!” #yyyaaasss #ThatsWhatImTalkingBout

Now that I’m married,here’s where I feel the church failed me in my single life… These are my opinions and do not reflect the views of every Christian who desires marriage.

1.) Making me feel like I wasn’t spiritual enough when I struggled with feeling lonely. Shoving prayer and scripture in my face… as if to erase very normal emotions. 

2.) Shutting me up with “be busy about God’s work” taglines  when I expressed my desire for marriage.

3.) Convincing me that if I waited ‘patiently in the Lord’, my desire for marriage would be fulfilled. Totally Not True. Everyone who desires marriage will NOT get married, and that truth needs equal attention.

4.) Grouping ALL singles together… being single in college at 19 years old, single at 30-something, single with children and single ‘again’ because of divorce or death of a spouse are very different groups that need unique attention for the space they are in.

5.) …and my favorite… not inviting me into the marriage/couple meetings. Like, where else would I learn Biblical marriage if not in the church’s marriage ministry? I should’ve been invited into marriage conferences, meetings, fellowships or whatever…. because the best time to learn something is BEFORE YOU’RE IN IT!!! The learning curve is soooo different after you’re already committed. Don’t get me wrong, if it was a couples dance… I didn’t want to be there… but a marriage workshop, why not?

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—- and some other practical things like … How to meet a man? How to screen him to see if he just wants sex? What to wear on a date? (like can I wear a form fitting dress without feeling like I”m tempting a brotha?) How to deal with disappointment from my last break up? Do I need to hear from God before I go on a date with him? How do I date a man with kids, divorced or widowed? Umm can I masturbate? Should I be cooking for bro and inviting him over for dinner? Can he be at my apartment past 7pm? If he didn’t pray over our lunch, is he disqualified from the race? — Vulnerabites, you get my point!

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I’m not trying to bash the church, but I do think there needs to be more deliberate attention to singles beyond making them commit all their free time to filling in the church’s gaps of employment… rolling my eyes.

So, like every thing else in my life… I couldn’t make my desire for romantic relationship the church’s responsibility … I had to actively find places, people and opportunities that would help me pursue this desire.

What did I do?

  1. I shared my frustrations of loneliness with my ‘judgement free’ saints. My friends who would ‘get it’, not those who were ‘so contented’ in their own singleness that they’d look down on me like a used tampon at the bottom of their strawberry ice cream waffle cone — disgusting — I know, I don’t like strawberry ice cream either.
  2. Instead of just talking about wanting to get married, at the end of every Bible study, fellowship, prayer circle, altar call for special prayers, and new years basket prayers… I asked for prayer that my husband would enter my life sooner than later — what a genius way to ‘sanctify’ my desires for some good masculine romantic loving for the saints!
  3. Ignoring the ‘wait patiently’ crap and did my part to be ‘visible’ — I give some single tips here.
  4. Finding single friends who were my age and in my ‘space of life’ — #DreamTeamStandUp #EskeNouLa? — and doing life with them… traveling, dinners, camp outs, 10 hour long conversations and whatever else our little hearts desired. #ThankYouForYourVisionKay
  5. Making sure to build relationships with my married friends, asking them questions (because the church wasn’t answering questions that I had), visiting them and being available when they were ready for some ‘girl time’! Oh and tuning in to marriage sermons, conferences, workshops and discussions online! Because of the internet, we literally have no excuses for not knowing something.

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I have to commend Cristal Clear for always sharing so candidly from her journey as a single 30-something and the pressures of it, she isn’t the only one in this space—- I’ve been there… and Golden Life Musings  also shares from her singleness journey, like in her blog “Singleness is not a disease” as she turned 38! Wow. The guts of these women … I love it!

So, Vulnerabites… as a single (or formerly single) what are some of your frustrations with the church in how they handle singles? Any recommendations for us?

Yours Vulnerably,

The Naked Writer

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46 Comments Add yours

  1. Tiffany says:

    Wow I agree with some of this and can relate to the frustration. I believe what makes it difficult for churches is how to teach about dating, because the Bible does not provide any reference to this type of act. So really, it’s like the church and the world generally are creating their own “instruction manual” on the Godly ways to dating.
    As far as waiting patiently, I agree with it because from a female standpoint the Bible says in Proverbs 18:22, “The man who finds a wife, finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.”
    So it’s not for the women to find a husband, he will find her. But I agree women should go out enjoy life and meet new people. Being single doesn’t mean you stay hidden in a cave. Mingling is best, but I’m not so focus on making a man my husband or searching and searching. No! We should pray, “God help us cross paths, open my eyes to the man you have for me, control the flesh, and enhance the spirit. Open myself to hear you instantly when you reveal my husband. As well as speak to my husband when he sees me or is near me.” There many stories in the Bible to support how marriages developed.
    I do advise women to read books and attend workshops about marriage to get an idea about what you’re getting into. Marriage isn’t to win others approval, it’s about fulfilling Gods purpose. Sacrifice on both sides.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Tiffany! So glad to have you on the blog! Your thoughts offer a really insightful perspective!

      “Being single doesn’t mean you stay hidden in a cave.” —- Let’s trade cave with church, as that’s how I feel most churches have taught single women who desire marriage to be. You know what I mean, that famous quote, “Be so hidden in Christ that he has to find God before finding you” 🙂 — Yes that one! The one that implies, “Being busy about God’s work”… I’m not saying anything is wrong with ‘doing the Lord’s work’, just want to implore the saints into more intentional and honest conversation for 30-something + women who desire marriage. That’s all I’m saying 🙂 Instead of just slapping them with the ‘just focus on God’, line. You feel me? or nah?

      PS. That’s a really beautiful prayer you’ve shared 🙂 …. speak to him when he’s NEAR me…. Yes Lawd!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Tiffany says:

        I agree, doing the Lords work doesn’t mean only for the Church. The church should know God doesn’t want the work only to be done it church. Jesus travel and completed the Lords work outside the four walls of the church. Explore the world, get to know people, help others in the process. 🙏🏼❤️

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes I agree! Explore the world and get to know people 🙂 Thanks for your thoughts Tiff!

          Liked by 1 person

  2. GOOD GOSH!!! Love this! Love the point about not everyone will get married, and how different seasons of singleness are unique in and of themselves! I think that at times, “the church” (I.e. we the people…who make up the church) idolizes marriage. On the one hand, the truth that God is enough, and that our identity is solely found in Him and what He did on the cross is often preached (TRUTH!). On the other hand, singles are made to feel like their identity is found in a partner, or that life can’t be fulfilling without one! I’m sorry but ummm…Say What!?!?! Yessss to the nonsense of not being included in marriage-related events sponsored by churches!! 🙄 Singles ministries are great, buttt…well, you’ve already made that point! Thank you for sharing your perspective; girl!! It sure is encouraging to queens currently flying solo!!❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey honey! Yes… I think that it can appear that churches are idolizing marriage… which brings up a point that I missed… Singles who are not interested in marriage.

      Thanks for adding your voice to the convo! I appreciate you! 🙂

      Like

  3. Dina says:

    Can I say you did it again! Love it! You’ve definitely brought some interesting points to the table. Most church goers think about this but would never say anything because we’re afraid of the reaction. You know the typical statements such as: how dare you question the church? Or what about “you must have a satanic spirit on you” lol. Look, as someone who has been raised in church, these conversations on relationship were minimal. It was pretty much “no sex before marriage”. Although I think the parents have a responsibility to teach their kids about love, relationships and marriage (depending on the parent), I also think the church should get involve and provide the biblical and realistic approach to marriage. The entire thing about discussing marriage/ relationships to married couples “only” in the church is definitely antiquated. Thanks again for sharing and for starting a much needed conversation!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was pretty much “no sex before marriage”. —- Right Exactly!!!!

      “The entire thing about discussing marriage/ relationships to married couples “only” in the church is definitely antiquated.” — Clearly I agree!!!

      I do think that we can’t solely make this the responsibility of the church, our parents SHOULD play a part in this also, but all I’m saying is –if the church is going to cater to couples, it needs to cater to singles also! You bring up a good point about parents also playing a part!

      We clearly need more open and honest conversations around these sorts of topics! I’m always happy to hear the diversity of thought from my Vulnerabites! It definitely warms my heart!!!

      Like

  4. driftyness says:

    Ooh, girl you’re firing shots!

    I grew up in a different church culture, but I can appreciate what you’re saying. I definitely hear you on the silence. Now that I think about it, I’ve rarely heard being single mentioned at church. If I did, it was an offhand comment about how some women make bad decisions and don’t trust God because of how badly they want a husband. It’s alienating.

    I wish I could have a group of women I could ask honest, hard questions of. My friends are on a different page, so I can’t talk to them about stuff like celibacy.

    I recently wrote about how being single just feels natural to me, and I think it comes from how very ambivalent II feel about marriage & relationships. I’m not sure if it’s something I even want. I believe the Bible says we don’t have to get married (Matthew 19:11, 1 Corinthians 7:8, 25-28) but again, I don’t feel like I can talk about that.

    P.S. Do you seriously not like strawberry ice cream? I’m scandalized!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Drifty!!!! Giiirrlll —- “I wish I could have a group of women I could ask honest, hard questions of” — I was LITERALLY just thinking an hour ago about being more intentional with this Vulnerabite community! Like — a place where we can foster honest “real time” conversations … I’ll have to give that some thought. The conversation around this blog has opened my eyes to the NEED for room to express diverse thoughts on issues we’re living but not talking through!

      Wow! Do you believe you’re called to Singleness? Does that mean you’ve never been in a romantic relationship?

      P.S. I don’t…lol. I love me some Cookies n Cream!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. driftyness says:

        Would love to have a group like that! I was going to ask if you’d thought about a Facebook group, but if we’re going to get all vulnerable, it might be nice to have the option to be (semi) anonymous.

        I don’t know if “called” is the right word. I see at least some of the pros & cons of getting married and staying single. I’d love to find someone who I’m mutually compatible with & love, but I’m not aghast at the idea of being single either. It sounds kind of nice, except for when I’m old. And I never dreamed about getting married as a kid. Just having really hot boyfriends 🤷🏿 I don’t know if that means anything, though.

        I haven’t. I made a choice in university not to date until I dealt with some of my issues. Then it turned into wanting to focus on my career.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Facebook group? Mmhhh… Would eventually like to move to an in-person platform… part of being vulnerable is owning those experiences, anonymity makes it easy — vulnerability is not easy…lol Theres an inexplicable freedom that comes from giving an identity to our experiences. I started this blog anonymous… but that changed about 5 posts in!

          “I’d love to find someone who I’m mutually compatible with & love” — Ok, so if you have this feeling, you are indeed interested in a romantic relationship.

          I don’t think you’re 30 yet, and that period of life brings a different perspective on singleness. You’re a bit more established, working, out of school, and have a rhythm to your life. I’m assuming you’re 20-something, is that right?

          “I made a choice in university not to date until I dealt with some of my issues.” — Ditto! Same Here. But it still sounds like you had the INTENTION of dating.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. driftyness says:

            That’s fair, I respect that.

            Yep, I’m a 20-something. I think I’m overall confused, ambivalent, and wondering if I’m too late to the party. So I guess singleness just reflects my 20s as a whole. 😂

            I suppose I did/do, but I’m also very closed off. Working on that. Thanks for providing an avenue for me to practice being a bit more vulnerable. I love reading your posts for their well-written content, but also for the comments. Seeing other people open up definitely encourages me to do the same.

            Like

  5. Anissa Blair says:

    Very well put. Did you a great job articulating the problem. Keep up the good work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anissa!!!!!!! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! SO glad to have you! Welcome to our Vulnerabite family! I’m so happy to have you 🙂

      Like

  6. Joelle says:

    Drop the mic! Thank you for talking about the elephant in the room…what if marriage isn’t in God’s plan for my life? Singles ministry is more than donating all of your time and money to the church because you aren’t married with children.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes exactly. What IF. How do we have that conversation? — #TheChurchIsAPimp #Lol #JustKidding #NotReally

      Like

  7. kajemarie says:

    How ironic! My church just did a sermon for singles this past Sunday. We’re not very traditional though lol. I agree with everything you said about the church ignoring singles and doing a disservice to them, so nothing to add but an Amen. Here’s the link to the sermon I mentioned if any singles wanna check it out. https://youtu.be/ztDh1oT53QQ

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha! You hit it right on the head, your church isn’t a traditional one! Thank you for my Amen corner! Amen! Amen! Amen!

      And interestingly enough, your pastor starts off the sermon saying “…how do we behave in the context of a relationship — we’re strangely silent about that as a culture.” — So, even he realizes there is a GAP in these kinds of conversations. What’s one thing you’d pull out of his sermon for our Single Vulnerabites?

      Like

  8. THIS. WAS. PERFECT!!! I remember when I would sit around and be like “hey what about me?” so many times in church!! It was almost like being told “you can’t sit with us”. Then I ended up pregnant and had a baby all before marriage and it went from sinner times 2 for dating and having a boyfriend to sinner times 100 for getting pregnant by him. So then it’s “omg you have to get married asap”. I honestly think that’s why a lot of people stopped and don’t go to church anymore, it’s become extremely judgmental in some cases. Luckily we found a church that isn’t like that, and actually gives sermons on dating, relationships, marriage and sex.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. A baby before marriage?!?! OMG! And they let you out alive!?!??! Whew! A close one! Girl, glad you lived to tell the story! …. lol… Just teasing you! It’s remarkable that you did not stay away from the church… sometimes the judgment can be painful enough that people don’t ever come back! Glad you and bae and baby found a church y’all can call home! Maybe you’ll be the encouraging voice and the hope for a young lady who walks your path. Please keep sharing your story!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😂😂😂😂 they let me live and I didnt have to wear an A like the girl from the Scarlet Letter.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yeah girl!!!! No Scarlet Letter! Thank God for his GRACE! 🙂 Big Hugs to you honey!

          Like

  9. Friends4life says:

    One of my main frustrations is the constant asking of when are you getting married, as if that’s my sole purpose in life. Had I been a fortune teller I would’ve known. I think the fact that the church doesn’t try to support us singles as individuals and taking time to find out wo we are and what are dreams, or current aspirations are makes me feel like the only thing they see when they see me is that I’m still single.
    Also the assumption that single people should say yes to every invitation and be a part of every ministry because we don’t have a family of our own yet.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Fortune Teller!?!?!? Bahahaaa — I literally burst out laughing!

      Wow! Not getting to know YOU — that’s a good one. Sort of just identifying you with your relationship status VS how you contribute to the world. Sigh. Good Point.

      “Also the assumption that single people should say yes to every invitation and be a part of every ministry because we don’t have a family of our own yet.” — Girl! Don’t get me started…lol

      Thank you for being honest with your frustrations! Really appreciate it.

      Like

  10. KayLuv says:

    Ohh ooohhhh…. Nou La and I couldn’t agree with you more! If I can keep it funky… at one point I was straight up bitter towards the church because of the lack of teaching and prepping of singles for marriage.The only guideline that I had was, I can’t date and find a mate like the world, do God’s work and wait on Him! Jesus will work it out! LOL, I guess that’s better than nothing, but its definitely not enough! Those answers didn’t help me deal with the desire to date, teach me how to find a great mate, and how to deal with fears of possibly being single for the rest of my life. I eventually had to let go of the notion that my local church can help me with my love life, and I had to look for help elsewhere. Thank God for YouTube, and a support groups like Dream Team! Thanks again Mac for sharing your thoughts.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahaha… I literally heard the “ooh oooohhh” in my hand and I quite possibly saw your right hand go up in the air simultaneously! lol Please do keep it funky! — only way to be on the naked writer blog!

      “I can’t date and find a mate like the world, do God’s work and wait on Him! Jesus will work it out! ” — EXACTLY!!!! How many of us have heard this?!?!? Hello!!!

      “Those answers didn’t help me deal with the desire to date, teach me how to find a great mate, and how to deal with fears of possibly being single for the rest of my life.” —- yes! yes! yes!!! Those answers don’t even give room to have honest dialogue around these questions!

      Girl — for real —- without YouTube (AND bloggers— hello! lol) —- where would we see other people putting a voice to our frustrations or making an attempt to give us answers to some of these questions!

      #DreamTeamStandUp #EskeNouLa?

      Big Big Hugs — #FounderOfTheOrder …lol

      Like

  11. Oh, girl! I am glad you wrote this post because you are so right about the faulty way churches handle singles. It’s terrible!

    I totally agree with making you feel you are a sinner if you want a boyfriend. They almost dismiss you if you even express your loneliness and my personal favorite is the whole sex before marriage message. There is no practical strategy on how to manage the pressure of sex before message. And when it is addressed, it’s with some silly solution like, only date in groups or kiss dating goodbye. Honestly, how practically is it that at 30 years old you’re going to gather up 3 of your homegirls and your guy and say, let’s go on a date! You may do it occasionally, but not often. AND how can you find a husband if you don’t date. Just silly!

    I remember one church I attended preached that since there is no discussion of dating in the Bible, it is not allowed. 😳

    I’m also glad you mentioned Adam Stanley. He did one of my favorite sermons called Love Sex and Dating. Here’s the link: http://northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating

    Liked by 3 people

    1. OMG!!! YAAAA YAAAAAAAA!!! That’s it!!! That’s the series I was talking about!!!! Yyyaaayyyy!!! Thanks so much for sharing the link! I watched this series like 100 times and was telling EVERY single friend I had about it!

      “since there is no discussion of dating in the Bible, it is not allowed.” — Uuummm to the left! Soooooo, did this church believe in arranged marriage? So how did they recommend moving from single to married? Like, he should see you and the heavens would open letting the world know that you’re “the one”. —- To the Left! To the Left!

      Yes girl!!! Lol… Bring your girlfriends on that date!!! (So, he’s picking up the tab for you AND your homegirls? — How exactly does that work?) — Wouldn’t y’all be off in some corner trying to scramble for some alone time anyway? Wwooooooo Yaa Yaa, please don’t get me started on a Part 2 of this blog….lol

      Always happy to engage with you as we exchange thoughts 🙂

      Like

      1. Yes! IAdam Stanley nailed it! I even had my non-Christian friends listening to it. It was practical, relatable, non-judgy. Just great. I think I even blogged about it… I can’t remember the post’s title though. I’d have to search for it.

        The church believed in being friends and then, a courtship, with spiritual guidance from church leaders. But I still don’t fully understand how one jumps from friends to okay lets get married! Who does that?!

        Right?! Who pays on a group date? Does everyone pay for themselves? I guess your guy pays for you and then everyone else in the group pays for themselves? Weird. If you’re anything like my friends, they’ll get loud and then, you and your boo are left scrambling and in a place where you may still fall into sin…

        I’m here for Part 2. Encore! Encore! 😂😂😂😂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Hey Yaa Yaa… Yeah girl, you’re right — the series was so ‘un-churchy’ that anyone could watch it… that’s their slogan right? “Church for the Unchurched”! If you find that post you wrote, do share it here in the comments!

          Aaahhh… that sounds like a church I attended, there was so much pressure that buddy proposed to me a MONTH after we met, because we didn’t want to be “unspiritual” dating young people … because we should only be in relation with someone after we prayed and got the golden “yes, thats the one” when the heavens opened. #RollingMyEyes #Don’tGetMeStarted

          As for the group date thing… To the left. When I was dating, I wanted a one-on-one, male to female interaction… Not a girls night out! lol

          Part 2? Girl…. The way this conversation is stirring up — Hhmm… we need a conference… a committee meeting… a workshop… something! lol

          Like

          1. Here’s the post: https://scribblesandtostitos.com/2011/11/01/why-i-want-a-wedding-not-a-marriage/

            He proposed to you after a month of dating? Wow! I’m sure you were surprised! I’d love to read about that experience. The church’s divorce rate is similar to the unchurch and I’m wondering if pressure to get married has something to do with it.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I feel like I’ve read this post of yours… title feels familiar!

              Thank you for sharing it with us!!!

              Uummm… interesting topic to explore… I’m not there yet…lol

              Liked by 1 person

  12. Vanessa says:

    This is too funny but so true. Been told to wait and enjoy being single getting closer to God. Been at this church for over 10 years still waiting. At this point I don’t even know what I am waiting for.

    Like

  13. Vanessa says:

    This is too funny but so true. Been told to wait and enjoy being single getting closer to God. Been at this church for over 10 years still waiting. At this point I don’t even know what I am waiting for.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. VP! Girl…. …. So, after 10 years… what do you wish the church would do differently as it pertains to singles?

      Like

      1. Vanessa says:

        Not sure. But they need to do something.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Hahahahaaa… but if we don’t know how to articulate and ask for what we want, how can we expect them to offer something different?

          Liked by 1 person

  14. I think you’ve hit on every single point in the church!! 😩🙌 that’s my problem now . I go to the young adults group which is 18-30 and I feel so out of place because most of them are younger than me and we are in different phases of our lives . The home groups are older mature singles or couples . I just feel like there’s no where for my age group to feel comfortable and have open conversations about the things we deal with. Marriage ministry’s and young adult ministry’s are everywhere but what about for the people that don’t fit into any of those. I understand talking about marriage and glorifying it because marriage is a beautiful thing but like you said we should talk a lot more about how being single is absolutely okay as well. I have to find me some single girls to enjoy life with in the mean time . I won’t ever stop desiring marriage but like you said not everyone that desires marriage will be married . that’s so real!! So the last thing I want to do is waste time complaining over and over again about not having a husband. If it’s meant for me it will happen. I’m sure I’ll have more bad days but I just pray God puts women in my life that I can be open with and enjoy life with. Thank you for this post , it was on point !!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Hey Cristal! I’m always looking forward to your thoughts, because I know you’ll keep it raw and authentic and share your truth as you know it!

      “I have to find me some single girls to enjoy life with in the mean time.” —- This was theeee most favorite part of my singleness. And now that I’m married, I haven’t shoved them aside… we still hang out! In fact, we were in Thailand earlier this year! Outside of sex, we often desire marriage for the community it offers us— someone to do life with right? — Well, who better to do life with before marriage than a group of friends “who get it”. And my favorite part of our times together were the pictures, no just kidding, the deep heart to hearts that came from sharing life together! Something about being heard and understood makes everything right in our world! Thank you for being a part of our Vulnerabite community and being authentically you!

      What are some things you think your church could do to help you in this space? It appears they have a “young” and “older” singles ministry space, what do you want to see more of?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I think singles ministry should be in every church. My church doesn’t really talk about singleness , it’s more like be patient God got you kinda stuff 😩 but they always have things for the married folks . They have holiday party’s , date nights for them . I’m like what about us single folks we wanna have fun too😩😂 and like you said we don’t really talk about sex or anything like that. When I talk to people about pornography they just tell me to keep seeking God , he loves me and that I’m still his daughter . Which is all true but I want to stop! Help me 😩 but I also know I have to want to stop on my end too and a lot of things play into lust but it’s like I know I’m not the only one struggling with porn people ! 😩😂 we just need more authenticity too!

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Yes! I agree, if there’s a marriage ministry there should definitely be a singles ministry. And yes, with all the activities they have for couples, it can make the single space a little more daunting — almost like, “I wanna be married, so I can be invited to the cool stuff”. I get it girl.

          And about their response to your pornography, I think it’s encouraging that they are re-affirming you in Christ’s love…. they don’t have an answer and neither do I….I don’t ever pretend to, but I am here for the conversation and always ready to be a platform for these kinds of ‘intimate’ discussions.

          Cristal, girl… you got the authenticity thing down! Keep it up! Change is coming 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  15. I love this! Thanks for this post and the shout out TheNakedWriter! While I am grateful I have a church that does offer sermons, workshops and other events for the singles, I know in general the church really has not stepped up to the plate in offering singles support. I appreciate the resources you offered and other tips and I WILL be checking them out. When you find the link to that sermon from Andy Stanley, please let a sista know! 😉

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Happy to hear your church is stepping up! That’s the exception, definitely not the rule 🙃 And yes! If I find the link, I gotchu boo! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Omg!!! One of our fellow Vulnerabites found the series!!! Here’s the link: http://northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating

      Liked by 1 person

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