If there’s anything I love more than sharing life, it’s when y’all talk back and ask for more!
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I don’t mean to talk about marriage as often as I have, but for some reason or another, y’all are lapping it up! I mean, my Marriage Celebration post has the most engagement of all my posts!— and that one about married people and single friends got some talk back too! All I can hear in my head is, “Give the people what they want!”
With that being said, as a spin off from my last post, a Vulnerabite asked me “What are some things you did as a single woman to prepare you for marriage?”
I replied, “Good idea!” — But then I was like, “hhmmm, that question is more thought provoking than it appears.” So, let me offer some clarity around that question… I can’t say there was anything I did deliberately for my marriage, but now that I’m married, I can look back and say, “Hmm, girl Mac, I’m glad you did that!”
So here goes my top 3…
- Screw Her. — Y’all already know that marriage has a 53% failure rate and that usually boils down to the MOOLA!!! It’s been theeee best thing for my life (and by default my marriage) to learn how to manage my money and how to save it!!! Ms.McCullough has called me cheap! But screw her! I prefer money in my pocket than someone else’s! I have very few financial priorities outside of traveling 🙂 So no I’m not the shopaholic, fancy dining , luxury car Real Housewife of Atlanta, nor do I have Kandi’s kinda money! Yet! You feel me?
2. That Big Comfy Couch. Who remembers that show? Did I just age myself? I woke up at 4am in crocodile tears over this fling of a relationship wwaayyy after it was over (hadn’t met the husbae yet), I called my Life Group leader and was like, “I.Need.Help.” I went to see a therapist y’all! Yyyaaaaaasssss!!! We worked through the root of my rejection and why my failed relationship still hurt long after it had ended … and of course, like pulling something out of the trash, some other gunky stuff came out with it, and we dealt with all that too. I wasn’t on her big comfy couch every week, but I did have periodic check-ins up and in marriage I keep my self-awareness tools well oiled. If husbae says/does something that hurts me in a way beyond what the action warrants, I ask myself, “What is this experience triggering in me and why does it hurt?” I don’t ‘brush off emotions’. I don’t act like “I don’t care”. I don’t ignore my feelings. I let them surface and I deal with them.
3. Girl, Bye!>!>. Keep your “bad” friendships. I’m not talking about the friend who’s always hitting you up for money, draining the life out of you and offers nothing that is mutually beneficial to the relationship… I’m talking about the friends who are different from you and make you ‘uncomfortable.’ Learning to talk through things when your personalities rub each other the wrong way — Oh my what a concept!— will immediately give you a “Pass Go, Collect $200” monopoly card into 10 years of marriage! Like seriously. Get into some disagreements with your friends— humble yourself, put the pride aside, say I’m sorry, forgive her again, learn to let it go fast, recognize the part your-perfect-little-self played in that mess— and learn to reconcile. This my friends, is a skill that will be the saving grace for your marriage.
I often hesitate to share these ‘marital insights’ as I’m still “wet behind the ears” and never want to come across as a “know-it-all”. These thoughts are from my experiences and do not express the views of all married people.
So, Vulnerabites… if you’re single, what are some things you’re deliberately doing to prepare for your marriage?
If you’re married, what did you do in your singleness that’s been good for your marriage?
Looking forward to the talk back in the comments! And if you’re new here, don’t forget to subscribe! If you like what you’ve read… Share. Share. Share.