Is it ok for Christians to Masturbate?

Hey Vulnerabites,

Soooo …. my last blog was a hot tamale! The proof is in the comments 🙂

With that being said, a new question emerged in the comments and I’m here to create a space to engage in discussion around it.

In one word…. M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.I.O.N.

Straight from the mouths of my Vulnerabites:

1.) “To be honest, the church makes masturbation sound like a bad thing but doctors encourage it….so what is right?”

-R.Blockman

2.) “Masturbation however taps into self gratification and addiction etc which is harmful and therefore should be avoided.”

-K

3.) “It looks like the bible only considers masturbation “due” to lustful thoughts a sin. However, the act of masturbating itself is not a sin? So masturbating without fantasizing is acceptable?”

-Didi

4.) “I disagree with having a sermon about masturbation, because all honesty not many people enjoying doing it to themselves.”

-Beautiflee

5.) “Somewhere around 40-45% of women can’t orgasm (during sex). I thought I was one of them until I finally tried masturbating in my senior year of college.”

-Kaje Marie

I’ve thoroughly shared my thoughts on this topic in a post entitled, “She Asked Me, Do You Masturbate?”

If you weren’t around for that, here’s a snippet:

“After that relationship ended, I spent a couple more months “weening” off of my active sex life with periodic masturbation….and then I gave my life to Christ. This is where the poop hit the fan! I didn’t know how to ask anyone whether or not my “weening off sex” method was ok. Nobody in church was talking about this. “

So Vulnerabites, is it ok for Christians to masturbate? Why or Why Not?

Yours Vulnerably,

The Naked Writer

Follow me on Instagram @YoursVulnerably

32 Comments Add yours

  1. Mac has done it again! And I’m so glad you’ve broached this topic. It’s so taboo yet so necessary! I don’t have an answer but have been checking back to see what Vulnerabilites have to say. 🤓

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OMG!!!! Yaa!!! Where have you been honey?!?!?!?!?!? Sooooooooo glad to have you back! Have totally missed your perspective and even your blogs! It’s been a while? Got something coming soon?

      Like

  2. Hilbert_not_Dilbert says:

    The Bible is clear: Honor the Lord with your body. Why do we have to make things so much more complicated and ambiguous than they are?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Hilbert! Welcome to the Vulnerabite family! Glad to have you!

      I appreciate your perspective on this topic. You point out a very good scripture, which from the tone of your comment implies that masturbating is not ‘honoring’ the Lord with our body.

      Thank you for your thoughts on this!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. HarleyQ2 says:

    I am a little late to this conversation but here is my input. I have devoted quite a few post on sex and Christians. I did a piece on masturbation years ago in which I am all for it. It didn’t go over so well with the pious people. Anyway, masturbation is perfectly fine with your spouse, without your spouse or as a single. It’s a wonderful way to figure out what you like, getting to know your body sexually and teach that to your lover. Sometimes (think women who have been without their spouse who are deployed for over a year or died) you get sexual urges (hello hormones) and this is a nice release. People also bring in addiction with masturbation but the average person only masturbates when s/he feels a strong sexual urge (normal).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Harley! Welcome to the Vulnerabite family!

      I’m in total awe of how clear you are with your thoughts o n this topic. You mentioned writing about it before — do you mind linking your post in the comments, I’d like to check it out.

      Also, I do agree that for the couple that is long distance, (or even has a sick partner) masturbation can offer some release.

      Thanks for bringing up that point about couples having to be separated for long periods at a time.

      Glad to have your thoughts on the blog!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. HarleyQ2 says:

        Hi, this was a 2010 post and I have addressed the issues of sexual and sexuality in other recent posts as well but here you go https://myuneditedversion.wordpress.com/2010/07/22/masturbation-almost-everyone-does-it/

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks Harley! Will check this out!!!

          Like

  4. driftyness says:

    Ooh, chile! Why did I open your blog with my mom in the room? This is a loaded question and I’m sitting all the way out for this one. I don’t know what the answer is. I’m curious to see what other people have to say.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Baahahahahahhhaaaaa!!!!!Mom can read it too…lol. Let her chime in! Lol… Absolutely kidding! When the blog makes it to a NY Times column, I won’t be answering my mom’s phone calls….lol

      Well, thanks for chiming in… even if it’s to say “I don’t know what the answer is.”

      Always good to have you Drifty!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow, where do we start with this question and I have to say that most of the comments you have on listed are some of the things that I heard when it came to Masturbating, such as “As long as you don’t think or fantasize about someone when you’re doing it, then it’s okay and not a sin” but the church says it is a sin and ask that we abstain from it altogether, pour a heap of oil on our heads, go into our secret closets and pray it off…..like really???

    I know for me, masturbation was addicting and something that I had engaged in since I was in grade school (yep you heard me) I was molested repeatedly by my stepfather and I believe what that did was open unwanted and too soon doors that shouldn’t have been opened at such a young age. I found myself wanting to explore what that place was and it suddenly became an addiction for years. I wanted to stop but couldn’t, mainly because I didn’t have anyone to talk too about it because I was too scared too or thought that they would think that I was some sort of sex freak – I was in the church and surely didn’t feel comfortable with telling anyone there about it, so I prayed sure nuff but kept doing it.

    It became such a BIG part of me – I thought it was a way of life. Now, I’m not saying or trying to convict anyone for doing it, but I will say – talk to God about it and see what he says to you about your own conviction with it. The bible says, if your conscience don’t condemn you, neither will I. When our conscience begin to make us feel uneasy about the things that we do, then that’s when we need to take a step back and talk to the person that can help us through it and that’s God.

    That’s what I did and it’s worked for me, now I understand what doctors say about it as they think it’s human nature and good for the body as well as the mind to release that energy – do I agree?….Well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. If you masturbate and can handle it, then okay. But if you do it and can’t handle it to the point where it becomes addictive or running your life more than you care for it too or causing you to have multiple sexual partners (I was there too) then I would suggest to seek help, God and counseling.

    Everybody handle things differently and know what they can and cannot do and that’s only for an individual to decide.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ROSHONDDDAAAAAA!!!!!! OMG!!!! Boy Am I glad that the blogosphere has brought you into my life!!!! I could drop this computer and holy ghost dance right in my living room this very moment! (But seeing that I want to get to responding to you, I’ll have to pick that shout up at a later time)…lol.

      Thank you ever so kindly for being soooooo very generous about your journey with us!!! This takes some serious guts!!!

      I literally have butterflies in my chest!!! Yes, chest!!!

      Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

      I am so sorry that you had to go through the pain of molestation with your step-father (I’d love to read about how you’re healing from the experience). Something else we need safe spaces to talk about.

      “I found myself wanting to explore what that place was and it suddenly became an addiction for years.” —– Wow! Having had that painful experience with your stepdad, it’s a learning experience for me to hear this was your response. I usually hear the opposite, that women are usually turned off to sex.

      “it suddenly became an addiction for years. I wanted to stop but couldn’t, mainly because I didn’t have anyone to talk too about it because I was too scared too or thought that they would think that I was some sort of sex freak – I was in the church and surely didn’t feel comfortable with telling anyone there about it, so I prayed sure nuff but kept doing it.” ——

      Wow…. “mainly because I didn’t have anyone to talk too about it because I was too scared” —- and here in lies the very reason why I’m so intentional with these sort of topics… sometimes all we need is to get the struggle out in the open. You know?

      I too had the same experience, no where (and no one) in the church created the space to have this conversation.

      I went to a CHRISTIAN ‘ladies night out’ —- 700 women in the room, 400 questions came through during the Q & A, the MC said, 90% of the questions were around masturbation.

      Clearly, there’s a need for DISCUSSION around the topic… even if it isn’t to say, “Do it or Don’t Do it.” —- Just discussion. You know?

      Sigh.

      Thank you for joining me up here on this scary platform of vulnerability.

      I appreciate you boo!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Girl, if you didn’t have me cracking up on this one ” I could drop this computer and holy ghost dance right in my living room this very moment! (But seeing that I want to get to responding to you, I’ll have to pick that shout up at a later time)…lol.

        You are toooo funny!!!

        Yes, Love – I appreciate you for allowing me to be open and transparent about it. People today, not even my own family or mother (God rest her soul) know the struggles I went through for years with that one. I know it’s a good topic if 90% of women want to know about it – but who’s talking about it. God blessed me to do a panel discussion back in June entitled “The Naked Truth” and we talked about this very issue of masturbation, celibacy and sex – I know people are afraid to talk about these issues in the church but I wanted to have a very open and honest discussion about it and girl, the women that came out and opened up….it was amazing.

        I commend you for having a site that makes women and men feel comfortable in letting go of their past by talking about it, good or bad. You got something going here MAC, continue being lead – we need you and this platform girl.

        Much Love!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Roshonda!!! OMG! And the transparency continues to unfold…

          Did you say? “People today, not even my own family or mother (God rest her soul) know the struggles I went through for years with that one.”

          Really? Not even your own family? Wow. This would really hurt them, I can’t even begin to imagine how that would unravel before them. Have you thought about bringing your truth to them?

          And girl….

          “a panel discussion back in June entitled “The Naked Truth” — This sounds like something I would ABSOLUTELY be interested in hosting/being a part of — and not to mention my birthday is in June too!!! Noted for Vulnerabite Experience! lol

          And Roshonda — I kid you not, I literally just screen shot your last paragraph and posted in myIG story — I could cry! Thank you for the reminder of why I started this to begin with. I’m in awe when I come across people like yourself (that I’ve never met) who see what I’m trying to do and drop a note of encouragement.

          Thank you ever so kindly!

          Big Hugs Roshonda! 🙂

          PS. When am I gonna see a post from you? When’s your next blog scheduled for?

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Heyyyyy Girl!!! Yes – maybe one day I will share the truth via a book. Just need time to sit and write a novel. I already have the title, it’s the being still that’s getting me. lol

            YESSSSS! Hey, anyone can do a naked truth panel/series it’s all about breaking down walls and getting people to talk in a comfortable environment in which I’m seeing is really a challenge today – given the talk I had with some teen girls over the weekend. People don’t feel comfortable anymore – it’s amazing the “What goes on in this house or the you better keep quiet” syndrome is really keeping us locked down – LITERALLY!

            Awww, Girl!!! I have to follow you on IG. Is your handle the same there as it is here? I’m humbled that you would share that and it’s so true – girl, work your purpose; God ain’t through!

            Next post will be tomorrow and it’ll be my last for the year – I’ll be taking a break from blogging as well as social media, so I won’t be back until after the first of the year.

            Bigger hugs for you Gurly and YAASSSS, that Vulnerabite Experience sounds dope!!! ( do people still say that???…lol)

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Go ahead and put my name on one of those books and send me the bill!

              “What goes on in this house or the you better keep quiet” syndrome — Like seriously>?!?!? In this day age we still have that because news spreads SSSSOOOOOOO FAST! People are posting family situations in their Facebook status and not giving time for the family to even process what’s happened! Sheesh! Don’t get me started.

              Tomorrow????? YyyaayyY!! On standby!

              My IG Handle — @YoursVulnerably — Send me a message there. Want to stay in touch!

              Dope?!??! Lol…. Chile, I don’t know either…lol

              Big Hugs!

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Yes, you are sooo right, social media has caused a fire in some homes….it’s crazy, as you stated – no one wants to talk it out anymore instead they go to social media, spit out all everything there all while hiding behind a computer….smh. Okay, I’ll follow you tonight, about to get off work.

                LOL, I know right??? I don’t know what the lingo is anymore..

                Liked by 1 person

        2. Roshonda — Can you chime in on the question from Raven above please?

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Where is Raven’s comment? I don’t see it..

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Shoot! It’s on my previous blog about church and orgasm… the most recent comment. Wish there was a way to tag you!

              Liked by 1 person

              1. It’s okay…going there now..

                Like

  6. Kaje Marie says:

    Omg! Nooooo you really quoted me?! 😩🙊🙈😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Bahahahahaaaaa….Does it feel like it’s on the front cover of NY Times??? It’s ok boo. We all exposed out here and loving the freedom that comes along with it 🙂

      Like

  7. R. Leckey Harrison says:

    Being how backwards the church has proven to be in history, and, how mixed up it is now on the subject, I would posit that if God is concerned at all about your sex drive, that you’re following the wrong God. Enjoy yourself to the fullest! Maybe it’s because the moments of orgasm are so transformative, so vulnerably powerful, so opening, so releasing, that we say, “Oh my god!” at that moment, over, and over, and over…..

    that the reality is very much a namaste experience.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. “if God is concerned at all about your sex drive, that you’re following the wrong God.” — HHhmmmm I’m not quite sure that I understand this.

      But the way I understand it, I’d have to disagree and say that I do believe God is concerned with my sex drive/life. It’s the most intimate experience I’ll have with another person and the very process that creates life.

      God invented sex… lol. Why wouldn’t he be concerned with it?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. R. Leckey Harrison says:

        My point is that if we think that amidst all the suffering in the world that is allowed to happen, that any god is at all concerned about what sex I have or with whom, then that god is a sham. There seems to be way too much emphasis on the very subject that is taboo, yet children starve, are homeless, and are trafficked. It’s a matter of priorities.

        I don’t come from the same world view, so I don’t think God invented sex.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Aaahhh thank you for offering that clarity — I understand where you’re coming from.

          Glad that we can still engage in meaningful discussion although we don’t share the same world view.

          I do appreciate your perspective and thanks for sharing it!

          Like

  8. Beutiflee says:

    lol, I’m sure the title raised loads of eyebrows. Oh my! 😆 honestly I don’t see anything wrong with it.
    But if it’s an addiction. That can be a problem.
    Lust is more like an obsession. Anything that becomes an obsession or addiction can be harmful to you.
    However, I don’t see anything wrong with pleasing yourself. Personally, I don’t do it. Alone, but when my husband is present, 🤔 I think it would be fun. 😆 the topic of sex shouldn’t be scary to discuss, because we all have questions. Or just curious about ways to make it more fun. I can’t wait to read others comments.
    😆
    I’d like to hear a males perspective too. 🤓

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Tiff! Yes… I’m sure the title did 🙂 lol… Ok, so I’m gathering a consensus here and you’re saying “Masturbation is ok, as long as it doesn’t become an addiction.”

      Got it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Beutiflee says:

        I do believe sex should be discuss in church. General overview for messages, but it should be a small group discussion as well. If the church says sac is for marriage. Sadly, there are marriages where sex isn’t going on or sex is used to manipulate or sex is used as a weapon or sex has become mundane or sex is scheduled. Or many don’t know how to try new techniques. The Bible says sex should occur in marriage, but it should be foreplay and not many know what that means. Sex isn’t dirty because God won’t have created it. Duh! I’m not sure about shopping for toys in the church, but it shouldn’t make people feel uncomfortable walking into one.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Hey Tiff! Wow… You say a lot here.

          I think we can both agree on the small group setting for a discussion around sex. A safe space for people to engage in a meaningful talk around it, instead of a one-sided teaching from the pulpit. I agree.

          I have read in marriage books and heard from marriage counselors that “scheduling sex” is making it a priority. I don’t disagree with that seeing that I am one who appreciates organizing my day — Hahahahaa… But I DO understand the connotation it sends of becoming a “check list” item— I get it. But I still don’t knock that philosophy. Just saying.

          Sex toys in the church? Lol…. I took it too far with that one huh? Lol — Don’t think that’s coming anytime soon anyhow, so we don’t have to worry about that. lol.

          Thanks for your thoughts Tiff! Appreciate ya’ blog bestie!

          Liked by 1 person

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