Is it ok for Christians to Masturbate?

Hey Vulnerabites,

Soooo …. my last blog was a hot tamale! The proof is in the comments 🙂

With that being said, a new question emerged in the comments and I’m here to create a space to engage in discussion around it.

In one word…. M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.I.O.N.

Straight from the mouths of my Vulnerabites:

1.) “To be honest, the church makes masturbation sound like a bad thing but doctors encourage it….so what is right?”

-R.Blockman

2.) “Masturbation however taps into self gratification and addiction etc which is harmful and therefore should be avoided.”

-K

3.) “It looks like the bible only considers masturbation “due” to lustful thoughts a sin. However, the act of masturbating itself is not a sin? So masturbating without fantasizing is acceptable?”

-Didi

4.) “I disagree with having a sermon about masturbation, because all honesty not many people enjoying doing it to themselves.”

-Beautiflee

5.) “Somewhere around 40-45% of women can’t orgasm (during sex). I thought I was one of them until I finally tried masturbating in my senior year of college.”

-Kaje Marie

I’ve thoroughly shared my thoughts on this topic in a post entitled, “She Asked Me, Do You Masturbate?”

If you weren’t around for that, here’s a snippet:

“After that relationship ended, I spent a couple more months “weening” off of my active sex life with periodic masturbation….and then I gave my life to Christ. This is where the poop hit the fan! I didn’t know how to ask anyone whether or not my “weening off sex” method was ok. Nobody in church was talking about this. “

So Vulnerabites, is it ok for Christians to masturbate? Why or Why Not?

Yours Vulnerably,

The Naked Writer

Follow me on Instagram @YoursVulnerably

18 Comments Add yours

  1. driftyness says:

    Ooh, chile! Why did I open your blog with my mom in the room? This is a loaded question and I’m sitting all the way out for this one. I don’t know what the answer is. I’m curious to see what other people have to say.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Baahahahahahhhaaaaa!!!!!Mom can read it too…lol. Let her chime in! Lol… Absolutely kidding! When the blog makes it to a NY Times column, I won’t be answering my mom’s phone calls….lol

      Well, thanks for chiming in… even if it’s to say “I don’t know what the answer is.”

      Always good to have you Drifty!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, where do we start with this question and I have to say that most of the comments you have on listed are some of the things that I heard when it came to Masturbating, such as “As long as you don’t think or fantasize about someone when you’re doing it, then it’s okay and not a sin” but the church says it is a sin and ask that we abstain from it altogether, pour a heap of oil on our heads, go into our secret closets and pray it off…..like really???

    I know for me, masturbation was addicting and something that I had engaged in since I was in grade school (yep you heard me) I was molested repeatedly by my stepfather and I believe what that did was open unwanted and too soon doors that shouldn’t have been opened at such a young age. I found myself wanting to explore what that place was and it suddenly became an addiction for years. I wanted to stop but couldn’t, mainly because I didn’t have anyone to talk too about it because I was too scared too or thought that they would think that I was some sort of sex freak – I was in the church and surely didn’t feel comfortable with telling anyone there about it, so I prayed sure nuff but kept doing it.

    It became such a BIG part of me – I thought it was a way of life. Now, I’m not saying or trying to convict anyone for doing it, but I will say – talk to God about it and see what he says to you about your own conviction with it. The bible says, if your conscience don’t condemn you, neither will I. When our conscience begin to make us feel uneasy about the things that we do, then that’s when we need to take a step back and talk to the person that can help us through it and that’s God.

    That’s what I did and it’s worked for me, now I understand what doctors say about it as they think it’s human nature and good for the body as well as the mind to release that energy – do I agree?….Well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. If you masturbate and can handle it, then okay. But if you do it and can’t handle it to the point where it becomes addictive or running your life more than you care for it too or causing you to have multiple sexual partners (I was there too) then I would suggest to seek help, God and counseling.

    Everybody handle things differently and know what they can and cannot do and that’s only for an individual to decide.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ROSHONDDDAAAAAA!!!!!! OMG!!!! Boy Am I glad that the blogosphere has brought you into my life!!!! I could drop this computer and holy ghost dance right in my living room this very moment! (But seeing that I want to get to responding to you, I’ll have to pick that shout up at a later time)…lol.

      Thank you ever so kindly for being soooooo very generous about your journey with us!!! This takes some serious guts!!!

      I literally have butterflies in my chest!!! Yes, chest!!!

      Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

      I am so sorry that you had to go through the pain of molestation with your step-father (I’d love to read about how you’re healing from the experience). Something else we need safe spaces to talk about.

      “I found myself wanting to explore what that place was and it suddenly became an addiction for years.” —– Wow! Having had that painful experience with your stepdad, it’s a learning experience for me to hear this was your response. I usually hear the opposite, that women are usually turned off to sex.

      “it suddenly became an addiction for years. I wanted to stop but couldn’t, mainly because I didn’t have anyone to talk too about it because I was too scared too or thought that they would think that I was some sort of sex freak – I was in the church and surely didn’t feel comfortable with telling anyone there about it, so I prayed sure nuff but kept doing it.” ——

      Wow…. “mainly because I didn’t have anyone to talk too about it because I was too scared” —- and here in lies the very reason why I’m so intentional with these sort of topics… sometimes all we need is to get the struggle out in the open. You know?

      I too had the same experience, no where (and no one) in the church created the space to have this conversation.

      I went to a CHRISTIAN ‘ladies night out’ —- 700 women in the room, 400 questions came through during the Q & A, the MC said, 90% of the questions were around masturbation.

      Clearly, there’s a need for DISCUSSION around the topic… even if it isn’t to say, “Do it or Don’t Do it.” —- Just discussion. You know?

      Sigh.

      Thank you for joining me up here on this scary platform of vulnerability.

      I appreciate you boo!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Girl, if you didn’t have me cracking up on this one ” I could drop this computer and holy ghost dance right in my living room this very moment! (But seeing that I want to get to responding to you, I’ll have to pick that shout up at a later time)…lol.

        You are toooo funny!!!

        Yes, Love – I appreciate you for allowing me to be open and transparent about it. People today, not even my own family or mother (God rest her soul) know the struggles I went through for years with that one. I know it’s a good topic if 90% of women want to know about it – but who’s talking about it. God blessed me to do a panel discussion back in June entitled “The Naked Truth” and we talked about this very issue of masturbation, celibacy and sex – I know people are afraid to talk about these issues in the church but I wanted to have a very open and honest discussion about it and girl, the women that came out and opened up….it was amazing.

        I commend you for having a site that makes women and men feel comfortable in letting go of their past by talking about it, good or bad. You got something going here MAC, continue being lead – we need you and this platform girl.

        Much Love!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Roshonda!!! OMG! And the transparency continues to unfold…

          Did you say? “People today, not even my own family or mother (God rest her soul) know the struggles I went through for years with that one.”

          Really? Not even your own family? Wow. This would really hurt them, I can’t even begin to imagine how that would unravel before them. Have you thought about bringing your truth to them?

          And girl….

          “a panel discussion back in June entitled “The Naked Truth” — This sounds like something I would ABSOLUTELY be interested in hosting/being a part of — and not to mention my birthday is in June too!!! Noted for Vulnerabite Experience! lol

          And Roshonda — I kid you not, I literally just screen shot your last paragraph and posted in myIG story — I could cry! Thank you for the reminder of why I started this to begin with. I’m in awe when I come across people like yourself (that I’ve never met) who see what I’m trying to do and drop a note of encouragement.

          Thank you ever so kindly!

          Big Hugs Roshonda! 🙂

          PS. When am I gonna see a post from you? When’s your next blog scheduled for?

          Like

        2. Roshonda — Can you chime in on the question from Raven above please?

          Like

  3. Kaje Marie says:

    Omg! Nooooo you really quoted me?! 😩🙊🙈😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Bahahahahaaaaa….Does it feel like it’s on the front cover of NY Times??? It’s ok boo. We all exposed out here and loving the freedom that comes along with it 🙂

      Like

  4. R. Leckey Harrison says:

    Being how backwards the church has proven to be in history, and, how mixed up it is now on the subject, I would posit that if God is concerned at all about your sex drive, that you’re following the wrong God. Enjoy yourself to the fullest! Maybe it’s because the moments of orgasm are so transformative, so vulnerably powerful, so opening, so releasing, that we say, “Oh my god!” at that moment, over, and over, and over…..

    that the reality is very much a namaste experience.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “if God is concerned at all about your sex drive, that you’re following the wrong God.” — HHhmmmm I’m not quite sure that I understand this.

      But the way I understand it, I’d have to disagree and say that I do believe God is concerned with my sex drive/life. It’s the most intimate experience I’ll have with another person and the very process that creates life.

      God invented sex… lol. Why wouldn’t he be concerned with it?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. R. Leckey Harrison says:

        My point is that if we think that amidst all the suffering in the world that is allowed to happen, that any god is at all concerned about what sex I have or with whom, then that god is a sham. There seems to be way too much emphasis on the very subject that is taboo, yet children starve, are homeless, and are trafficked. It’s a matter of priorities.

        I don’t come from the same world view, so I don’t think God invented sex.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Aaahhh thank you for offering that clarity — I understand where you’re coming from.

          Glad that we can still engage in meaningful discussion although we don’t share the same world view.

          I do appreciate your perspective and thanks for sharing it!

          Like

  5. Beutiflee says:

    lol, I’m sure the title raised loads of eyebrows. Oh my! 😆 honestly I don’t see anything wrong with it.
    But if it’s an addiction. That can be a problem.
    Lust is more like an obsession. Anything that becomes an obsession or addiction can be harmful to you.
    However, I don’t see anything wrong with pleasing yourself. Personally, I don’t do it. Alone, but when my husband is present, 🤔 I think it would be fun. 😆 the topic of sex shouldn’t be scary to discuss, because we all have questions. Or just curious about ways to make it more fun. I can’t wait to read others comments.
    😆
    I’d like to hear a males perspective too. 🤓

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Tiff! Yes… I’m sure the title did 🙂 lol… Ok, so I’m gathering a consensus here and you’re saying “Masturbation is ok, as long as it doesn’t become an addiction.”

      Got it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Beutiflee says:

        I do believe sex should be discuss in church. General overview for messages, but it should be a small group discussion as well. If the church says sac is for marriage. Sadly, there are marriages where sex isn’t going on or sex is used to manipulate or sex is used as a weapon or sex has become mundane or sex is scheduled. Or many don’t know how to try new techniques. The Bible says sex should occur in marriage, but it should be foreplay and not many know what that means. Sex isn’t dirty because God won’t have created it. Duh! I’m not sure about shopping for toys in the church, but it shouldn’t make people feel uncomfortable walking into one.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Hey Tiff! Wow… You say a lot here.

          I think we can both agree on the small group setting for a discussion around sex. A safe space for people to engage in a meaningful talk around it, instead of a one-sided teaching from the pulpit. I agree.

          I have read in marriage books and heard from marriage counselors that “scheduling sex” is making it a priority. I don’t disagree with that seeing that I am one who appreciates organizing my day — Hahahahaa… But I DO understand the connotation it sends of becoming a “check list” item— I get it. But I still don’t knock that philosophy. Just saying.

          Sex toys in the church? Lol…. I took it too far with that one huh? Lol — Don’t think that’s coming anytime soon anyhow, so we don’t have to worry about that. lol.

          Thanks for your thoughts Tiff! Appreciate ya’ blog bestie!

          Liked by 1 person

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