How Do I Know if He Likes Me.

Hey Vulnerabites!

I have a sincere interest in human connection. I read about it, I talk about it and I write about it.

I want to explore my interest for human connection with this pilot project called “Mondays with Mac” for the month of August. You ask questions, I will choose one question to answer — only on Mondays. So send in your questions to thenakedwriterblog@gmail.com, Direct Message me on Instagram @yoursvulnerably, if you have my number, send me a text.

I’ve been friends with this guy for over 20 years and I’ve developed romantic feelings for him. I’ve let him know how I feel and since then we’ve been talking everyday and spending a lot of time together. How do I decipher if what he’s doing for me is because we’ve been friends for so long? or If he’s doing things for me because he also has romantic feelings for me?

Short Answer: Ask Him.

We’ve all heard the cliche, “Actions speak louder than words.” But I don’t always find this to be true, and your situation is a good example of that. This gentleman has been your friend for over 20 years, he would have grown to care deeply for you in that time. So, because of that his actions can be interpreted as “good friend behavior” — and because you’ve told him how you felt, they can also be seen as “potential romance behavior,” — your confusion is warranted.

Let me set this disclaimer – I am not a man and I don’t think like one. I don’t feel qualified to answer this question, but I’ll give it my best shot.

I will speak from my own experience, having been in your guy friend’s position — TWICE. I’ve resigned from the male best friend thing. When my male best friends told me they developed romantic feelings for me (after 7 years), I immediately told them that I did not feel the same way and I began to create distance between us. Eventually, both friendships ended.

Let’s Connect on Instagram @YoursVulnerably

I have two thoughts on your situation:

1.) Seeing that your male friend has not expressed his own feelings, he might be taking the time to process what this new development means for your friendship. Your friendship will never be the same. It can’t. It doesn’t mean that it will end, but it will not be the same.

2.) Your expressed interest in him appears to have opened up the opportunity for him to draw closer to you, talking everyday and spending more time together. He may be exploring how the two of you could exist in a romantic space. I can’t imagine that he would take the time to draw closer to someone he is uninterested in, considering that he is aware of your feelings for him.

————————————————————————————

A few questions I would consider if I were in your shoes:
1.) Is he romantically interested in someone else?

2.) In your “talking everyday”, is he getting to know you as more than a friend? (i.e. how many children do you want?) Questions that suggest he’s trying to explore how the two of you can “go together.

3.) Is he initiating any of your interactions? Are his efforts matching yours? #EquityTheory

4.) Is he initiating time alone with you? Not for sex, but one-on-one dates.

5.) Do you think he likes you as more than a friend? (Trust your inner voice)

———————————————————————————–

The only sure way to know is to ask him. Seeing that you’ve already taken a step and expressed your feelings, give him some time to circle back to you on his own feelings. He clearly needs some time to process this.

Decide what your time line will be and if things are still blurry by then, ask him to clarify his actions for you.

It is my hope that this is just the beginning of a beautiful love story. I hope that his feelings for you are reciprocated and you transition smoothly from friends to lovers. You know what they say, “Friends make the best lovers!”

Vulnerabites, what are some signs a guy friend is interested in you?

Yours Vulnerably,

Let’s Connect on Instagram @YoursVulnerably

11 Comments Add yours

  1. J says:

    I would love a male perspective on this question…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too girl! Me too!

      Like

  2. Beutiflee says:

    Great question. I’m curious about what this guy said to her after she confessed her feelings. He should have given her some sort of response to it, especially since they were friends.
    I totally agree with your response, focus on what sort of conversations he’s having now. And his behavior towards you.
    But honestly I just go straight for it. If I’m opening up about my feelings, men don’t hesitate to respond. It’s either He does or doesn’t. But I’ll give them space to think it over, a week should be good. Afterwards, if I approach the topic again and he avoids answering, I know I need to move on. If he does explain himself then you both can make a decision.
    Does this help?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahah — ONE WEEK! ok Tiff, I see you don’t want to waste ANY time!

      I agree that his hesitation in responding is concerning, but I too usually need time to sleep it over a few nights before coming back to someone with a meaningful response.

      What makes this situation sensitive is the 20plus years of friendship…. that’s the game changer in all of this for me.

      How much of a part do you think that plays in this?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Beutiflee says:

        I get the 20yrs part, but men don’t take that long to make a decision.
        And like you said, has the conversation topics changed since she revealed her feelings.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Well — I do know men (MY BOSS) that need time when making decisions. But I can agree that the tone of their conversations could be indicative of how he might be feeling.

          Liked by 1 person

      2. Beutiflee says:

        Men don’t process things like we do. If they want something they claim it, if they don’t want it, they either don’t claim or toy with it.
        Some men are sensitive but they don’t need lots of time to give an answer

        Liked by 1 person

        1. MMhhh— Let me ask, how come you’re so sure? — do you have your brother there telling you what to type? lol

          Liked by 1 person

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